Materialistic Greed Needs =x

Lookie! - Philips In-ear headphones

[Source:http://www.consumer.philips.com/consumer/catalog/product.jsp?language=en&country=SG&catalogType=CONSUMER&productId=SHE2610_97_SG_CONSUMER]

I bought it at $23.50. Even though its expensive, im pretty satisfied with the sound quality =D


Next - HP psc 1350 all in one printer

[Source: http://h40054.www4.hp.com/pressrel/images/PSC-1350-SITU1_kl.gif]

I bought its tri-color ink at a cost of $56.00++

More to come =D hehe.

The Do`s and Dont`s when you are going out on a date (Rule no. 5.1)

Jealousy - Just make sure you put yourself in ur partner's shoes and think it in their view. Its a very confusing, and delicate thing. yet, everyone will feel it one way or another, for certain. Dont u find that interesting? In my scientific brain, it does. But in my normal life, being jealous is something i dont like to feed myself with. or would anyone else, for that matter. ;p

A friend once told me, the guideline(ie. advice) is there, but to approach it is to know a persons character. (i think this is totally irrelevant from the first paragraph =x)

Oh yeah, dont forget... Not everyone is talented. You arent telepathic. Nor is he/she. Go figure. (this one too)

Note: Like i said, my advices arent foolproof. I just do this with my own propably biased opinion. I only live in this world for 19 years... and i have yet to learn decades of information, and mistakes.

Haha, well... i am human, and i bound to make mistakes and learn from them. Just be sure that you dont wholely swallow everything that might be an advice. there are always different approaches to solving a problem.

p/s: I think i made this entry on impulse. I havent slept the whole night, doing my report. My school break is seriously not a school break. and im envious that brother bought a basket full of chocolates for his future fiance. but i rearranged it! hehe.

the joy of being a sister.

Darth Vader vs. Japanese Police

Darth Vader vs. Japanese Police

Pawned!
Enjoy People =]

My heart is a Maze...

Is it a good thing if i actually archived every single thoughts in one blog by itself? because if i did there will be hundreds of entries instead. i could relive it anytime i wanted to.

But i dont wish to relive the life that i had ever since i started my polytechnic years. edging towards the adulthood but yet stumbling upon adolescence. its a killer. i started to think...

When will i really grow up?

When will i admit to myself that I am actually an adult?




Look at what i wrote early last year... or was it two years ago? i was reading my previous blog, unknown to many... :

You. You out there. Yes YOU. / I hate you. Hate you saying my words. / Hate you following my phrases. / Hate to listen the phrase coming out from your mouth. / It's my phrase, my ideas. / Those words just kept repeating in my head, / with you awful voice stuck with it, like an echo. / Leave me alone, YOU should. Don't get reminded by me. / Stop bothering me. You made my life a horrible mess. / Look at who needs to clean it up in the end... / YOU. that certain YOU out there. / Dont think everything is normal. You're so wrong. / Dont act as if you know me well. You're so wrong. / Dont act as if you're the victim. You're so wrong. / Just get out of my sight. Out of my way. / It's sickening enough that you're once a part in my life. / Buzz off i dun care. Finally... /YOU YOURSELF MADE ME HATE YOU.

Oh god. I didnt realise i have a secret but lost dwelling in me. The place is called Hatred. Maybe it can also be categorised as Despair. Only God knows what i was going through then.

-

And i Have to admit... i am addicted to caffeine.


i have this imagery in my mind; im hanging onto two ropes, one on each hand. one rope is my past and the other is my future. my past is attached to me like im a criminal accused, while my future is linked in chains, bound to break if im not careful enough.
and below me is this endless void called,
depression.

can i commit the worst sin of all to myself? u noe the part where u know that youre going to end this years of hardship?
im struggling to fight these demons. my own.
just that this time, the demon is me. myself. my desires. my thoughts. Its all about me.

Ya Allah, berikanlah aku semangat untuk melalui segala rintangan yang sudah berlaku dan akan berlaku. Kerana Engkau lah Maha Pemurah dan Maha Penyayang. Maha Pengampun.

lifes like that - in point form

okok lets just write all the junks i can remember in point form... =x

reason being that my lappies keyboard really gg-ed and im using external keyboard now... also, my external keyboard is the pmser kind. the key i will sure pop out of nowhere sometimes. when i was playing maple, since my inventory was on the letter i, it keep popping the inventory window nonstop. -.-

today~
-i slept for like i think 10 to 11 hours today
-went for lecture for just 2 hours
-went to look for w800i but all i can find is offers for w810i
-NEED to email toshiba about my bloody keyboard
-and i bet they will WANT TO GET my bloody money for it to be repaired
-might as well scold them and say I WANT A NEW HARD DRIVE =x
-need to email my Liason Officer regarding his naughty behaviour of asking for our
-reports earlier by ONE week and GIVING such a LATEEEEEEE notice!
-still getting used to my external keyboard but now i can type without looking at it
-sometimes. sometimes but not OFTEN.
-missed someone BADLY
-mom bought chocolates and mee hongkong~! yumm
-thought too much and had some uneasy feeling.
-dunno wad else to write for today

yesterday~
-SCHOOL at 10! the horror >.<
-met up with the girls at 3pm =] i really really miss them so much *sobs*
-went back home with peihua n eli
-ey i almost cried in the bus la talking to peihua - such sad life T_T
-windowshopped and bought myself COLOUR PENCILS! weee i feel young all of a sudden
-but suddenly felt so sad that we are turning 20 next year
-met my parents for dinner
-looked at phones =]
-came back late - 10plus
-talked for abit n thought of napping
-instead i SLEPT

the horror
u wont know my sad life =x in my last year of getting my diploma
hmmm... thats a story for another day =x

leave me alone.

sometimes i think of suicidal.
whenever people around me arent feeling happy.
even if its to me or if the feeling is to they themselves.

i dont like it.
i dont like it when someone raises their voice.
but sometimes i wonder why do i do the same.
to instil fear? or did i learn too many wrong things...

im really tired.
tired of hearing things like these.
and i want to talk to someone.
but... how the hell am i supposed to talk about it?

maybe thats why people leave gaps between themselves and me.
its ok. i understand. its better than lying to urself.
because i will know when someone is keeping things, lying to me.
or mocking me.

or is it just me thinking too much.
but i stopped making too much doubts for quite some time already.

after all, when i think about it too much,
maybe no one will ever love me,
like the way i think love should be.
or, the way i love something or someone.

i have been trying to be strong.
and im too afraid to falter.
but i fear too much now.

im scared. im really really scared.

call me whatever you want.
right now im just feeling too fragile.

and if ure intending to mock me,
by all means - do so.
who knows, maybe i...

i better not say it.

I going to go gila la soon, can? puhleeeessseee =(

Yesterday morning i was whining to kel that i am lazy to go to work and i might be pmsing the whole day. i was so so so right...

i met someone i unlikely would have ever wished to see after two (please fill in your own adjective here) years...

whatever my reaction was, it was involuntary. like... my body, my hands, my face, everything lah, just acted out on its own. if you find it offending - ive already given my reason. it ignored you.

after that, my day feels a bit pinched out of nowhere.

i had nothing to do so up to 3pm i was rotting in front of the computer. i chatted to dozens... well ok not dozens.. a bunch of them (discreetly =x) i settled my genotyping files and accumulate them accordingly by date. abel dont believe im in kooks. nic went omfg. styne is my alibi =x but nemind abt that. IM NOT new in KOOKS hor! IM teh poster girl >.< unless belbel kicked me n used vixen to be tehhhh poster girl this time.

LONG TIME NEVER CHAT WITH YOU AR STYNE! (do you noe it sounds weird to pronounce that when i realised your full name is justyne <.<) alah, the hype now is me planning like mad to get my fine ass to melacca during my feb - apr holidays. but id go KL first! *sticks out tongue* kel kel! hmm... chun too! muahahhaha.

trust me. my parents will gg. culture shock. open mouth big big. one eyebrow up kinda reaction. pleaaaaseee be good in front of my parents. please my daddy more >.< er... my mommy can be pleased easily by shopping. =x aiyah. the most important one is - PUJUK them to let me stay LONGERRRRRRRRRRRRRR =x

i just really need to have a break from everything momentarily.

NOTE TO SELF: PLEASE STARVE SAVE some MOOLAH for YOURSELF FOR THIS TRIP =x

went back home and ate mama's homemade mee rebus. like she knew ive been craving for mee rebus. *slurps*

on the other note. this brain started to think... and its going to rant. summarising it; will anyone ever be patient enough to keep me calm n steady n happy n (just ad things that are positive here)?

i asked kel whether he has an opinion out of befriending someone who you once given the throne of *special* after they do such evvvilll deeds to you. i respect those who are still friends if they ended it mutually and not a one sided decision. and well, i mean, i know my own point of view. i will never get any closer to them. he said, there aint no point of being friends. no benefits whatsoever.
demmit kel, are you trying to make me feel better or is that really ur POV?

should i even rant about it here? *sigh*

i wanted to log myself on into maple but somehow daddy knocked on my door n got me in the masterbedroom with my mom n brother to talk about my brothers engagement. i sat there sampai my eyes half closed already. i mean. i know its something important, but my brain is not registering it well enough. downgrade to pentium one then.

ran to the toilet n got out of the toilet to go into my room to continue what i intended to do...

& i was waiting for quite some time n decided to rest on bed. but, somehow, i got out of bed n sat back on the chair n i ended up sleeping sitting down. My butt hurts now... -.-

remind me to talk abt lab lunch last friday n lunch on monday dinner too =p

end of ze world

Fire the MISSILES! =x

This is what i hate so much if i just finished using the computer at the workstation (illegally msn-ing) and happy happy go back into the lab to continue with my work...

(Sorry lah, this part will be written in malay cos i wanna lepas geram (vent anger) edi!)

Aku bingit lah geram macam nak buang barang kat muka dia lah!
Baru tengah nak taruk sample into my agarose gel then aku nampak dia punya gel cair dalam aku punya buffer! abih, aku cakap bukan buffer aku punya salah, muka stone ego nak mampos cakap kat aku -

eh, buffer kau yang buat panas sebab tu aku nye gel cair.

Eh, mintak ampun sikit eh, kalau buffer aku yang buat hal kan, gel gel aku yang aku buat dan pakai entah berapa banyak gel aku buat dan pakai dalam buffer tu DAH cair every time aku run it since minggu lepas ok?! Dahlah buffer dia buat gel aku cair DUA kali, masih nak buat macam aku punya salah pulak. Bukan aku je, ada lagi satu orang punya gel pun cair ar... Abih aku tak pernah marah dia sekali pun! Seriously, aku BINGIT dengan perangai dia. Macam nak kena lempang. Eeeeeeeeeeee. GERAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMM.

Aku yang dah buat tu experiment ever since aku start attachment, dia ingat apa? Aku ni tak pandai ke? Piii dah... aku lagi pro dari dia in this part ok? Aku tau ar results aku in theory tak secanggih dia but puhleese... aku punya hands on lagi cantik arr. Aku tak mau boast tapi dah sampai geram kan dah terlepas! grrrrrrrrrrr.

baik baik aku cakap dengan dia, eh, tapi kau punya buffer la yang buat hal, kau pakai buffer kau untuk buat gel apa... Sanggup dia cakap, Tapi kau punya Buffer yang buat gel aku panas/cair.

... dia punya theory pun dah rosak la aku rasa... eeee bingit! nak explain dalam melayu pasal sains pun taklehhhh. EEE GERAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

*tendang store dia kat dalam -80 degrees punya freezer baru tau!* grrrrrrrrrrrrr
aku baru main snow kat dalam freezer tu =x

-------

Ok.. enough for now. I go n lepas the geramness + mintak simpati to someone later! grrr...

I wanna change my blogskin again, cannn?
Remind to self - Go buy some colour pencils la puh-leese!

I have a lot of things in my mind but i cant keep them in place in the shelf or something... its like floating in my brain space -.-

If my words could hold you in my arms
If my words could give you warmth
If my words could share your loneliness
If my words could tell you so much and made u feel so much

Then let my words be your companion for the time being
I cant be physically there even if i wished to
Times like these will make me wonder why i couldnt warp myself there
My heart knows what i want very much

REIRA starring Yuna Ito - Truth

Let me stay with you
Kizutsuke au no ni
Naze konna ni motomete shimau no
Dont you know my heart ?
Sunao ni narezu ni ita no
Tada hitotsu no ai ga hoshii no ni

Meguriaeta kiseki wo shinjite
Kanadete yukitai anata e no melody
Moshi mo subete wo nakushite shimatte mo
Kono omoi wa eien na no
Its my truth

Believe in yourself
Tsumazuita toki mo
Aruitekita namida wo nugutte
Open up your heart, omoide no saki ni kitto
Ashita to iu kibou ga aru kara

Give me your loneliness
And Ill give you my tenderness
Wasurenai de ite ano hi mita yume wa
Hanareteite mo kono mune ni itsudemo
Kanjite iru anata dake wo
Its my truth

Tsunagaru hoshi ga sasayaki kakeru
Tomadou kokoro wo te ga shinagara
Deai to wakere hito wa sagasu no
Itsuka musubi aeru tsuyoi kizuna wa

Sekaijuu no kanashimi mo subete
Uketomete mo ii anata no tamenara
Sekaijuu kara okizari ni sarete mo
Sono hitomi wo shinjite iru
Its my truth

Translation

Let me stay with you even if it hurts both of us
Why must I always demand so much
Dont you know my heart could never stay put
Theres simply only one love I want

Believing in miracles we can come across
I go on playing a melody for you
Even if I end up losing everything
This feeling is forever, Its my truth

Believe in yourself even when you stumble
Wipe your tears as you walk on
Open up your heart beyond the memories, surely
There is a hope we call tomorrow

Give me your loneliness
and Ill give you my tenderness
Dont forget the dream we saw that day
Even if were separated, in this heart
I will feel you forever, Its my truth

Your whisper reaches the scattered stars
Illuminating my confused heart
In every encounter and farewell, what people search for is
This strong bond that will unite them someday

All the sadness throughout the world
If its for you, I can take it all in
Even if the whole world deserts me
I believe in those eyes, Its my truth

Various Thoughts...

Q: If you touch me, you will die, and you can only live without me. I am a big part of your life, and will eventually be the only thing left. You will learn to embrace me finally and rest. What am I?
A: Death.

Notice: Piala Khatulistiwa 2006 need helpers! Event held on the 26 Dec 2006.
- Sorry cant go; It's my brothers birthday. =/ But i really wanna go! T_T

The Alkaloid(Alkaloid, if you repeatedly clicked on it, the link is going to play hide and seek with you =p) Compounds are killing me with their explanation in Wikipedia. I think I'd rather go and find research papers in the lab instead.

The Do`s and Dont`s when you are going out on a date (Rule no. 5)

Arrgghh - ack... Sore throat =(

Oh well, anyway, its been a while since i last post a uselessful follow up for this topic. Hiak hiak~ Alaa, i dont really have an idea of what to write actually, but then again, you people can just throw me a topic n let me rant... Hee hee =D

Ok... So, its been a while since ive been peacefully having peace hearing someone pouring themselves out at me until yesterday, so... I think i can actually make do with the baseline of the whole problem into an advice! (pro hor? hor? you better bow to me! For i am teh Princess Sal! =x)

RULE NO. 5 - Do Not Play With The Other Party's Feelings!

I mean it lah! Don't lead them on, especially if they are the one who have feelings for you and you hell well are not feeling the same way too. Why?

Karma & Retribution lah! What goes around comes around. =D

Okay i give a better reason. People make mistakes, and people do things that tend to hurt other peoples feelings. But, i dont think its humane that you should be hurting a person unnecessarily when you already decided on what you intend to do or feel; instead, you keep that person hopeful and looking dumb all over you.

Let the chick stick around cos shes pretty but youre eyeing another bitch is not a good reason to fool around, man. Its bullshiet. Seriously. Try putting yourself in that persons shoes. Unless you dont mind being the dumb but hot looking ass lah~

You never know if they are seriously very ambitious with their feelings, if they are, youre gonna hurt them real bad if you try to keep up n keep them throwing logs into the burning fire.
Hell hath no fury like a Woman Scorned. (applies to both sides la)
Dont be so sure they will be forgiving if you ever fool them yah?

Eh, hope this rule is more obvious in the Topic itself. =]
Cheerios!

----
I know i still got tons of things to write about! Haha.

Sealed with a... =D

Haha... I actually got tons of things to write about but im feeling so weak now i only can remember a few things instead of the whole lot that i wrote in my organiser today. My organizer still reminds me of a cow somehow... but since when are cows polka-dotted? =x

It takes 2 muscles for a peck, 146 muscles to kiss...
And its a workout if you are making out!
Ok now now, Healthy Lifestyle! =P

Read! =D http://www.telegraph.co.uk/connected/main.jhtml?view=DETAILS&grid=&xml=/connected/2006/10/17/dlkiss17.xml

Just for your knowledge =)

A worrying issue - mind +body+q+a (Singapore Shape Dec 2006 magazine, pg 60)

Q: The end of the year is a stressful time for me and i worry and stress a lot over my commitments. What is the difference between normal worrying and an anxiety disorder?

A: "Anxiety and worry are normal emotions", says Dr Adrian Wang, a consultant psychiatrist at Gleneagles Medical Centre. "However, if your worry greatly exceeds the demands of the situation, or if you are worrying so often that it starts to affect your ability to function at work or at home, then you may have an anxiety disorder."
"Anxiety disorders are a large group of illnesses, which include Panic Disorder, Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Worry is the only one of the symptoms of these disorders. Some of these disorders have physical symptoms - like breathlessness, shivering, tension headaches and gastric discomfort brought on by excessive anxiety and worry", he says.

[Credits stated as above]

I AM THE PRINCESS *self proclaims with certificate-stamped*

DRAFT! muahahaha with all the good points taken note of, cos stupid blogger did some magic tricks that failed on my entry! curse you blogger! grr *bites* =x

. Before midnight already i got birthday wish from sis abbie
. First pressie from Bro Kel! wee~
. Got misunderstanding, but thats all settled.
. Dress but still half of my clothes in black (yes i know i know black lagi =/)
. Went to work n i hardly have anything to do!
. By lunch, my handphones battery is already half dead (inbox full non stop!)
. I got an overseas call that lasted me around 18~19mins (shooo happy; thats a pressie already! *muacks*)
. Rotted more at work before going off
. Waited for mervyn at the MRT station for an hour before he ps-ed me! *grr*
. Took the train to bedok station alone
. Met marc, shuzhi, jiamin first
. Met kt & cass, bobby, calven, jinwei, mervyn, karen
. Saw cass holding her bouquet of roses from kt, should be 16 stalks if i didnt count wrongly (wheres mine?! =x)
. Took cab to east coast *3 cabs total*
. Bobby chop-ed 3 tables! PRO hor! 1 person chop-ed 3 tables
. He even bought birthday cake! Chocolate with cream! SO sweet!
. They sang birthday song TWICE. so malu u noe! i think i turned red >.<
. Took me a long time to decide on wad to wish for *coughs*
. Sat at the table with marc, jinwei, jiamin and shuzhi
. Ate mee hongkong, Satay (thanks for the satay treat karen! <3)
. Marc gave me 2 PPC as pressie! ty~ ^^
. Bullied jinwei to eat stingray, rice, satay! *he thought i bullied him to eat onions lol*
. Bullied calven to eat strawberries! *hes 17 but its his first time - thats ur pressie for me ^^*
. Chatted up till 11pm
. Walked to macdonalds for 1 hour!
. KENA midnight CAB .___. ^$30^ fly fly edi.
. Came back home around 1am edi.
. Mom n Dad still EATING n watching tv <.<
. Bathed like theres no tomorrow =x
. Charged phone - Super Spammed! Mom gave Dads battery.
. Switched on lappy and waiting till i fell asleep -.-

My best birthday =] you guys are so sweet. everything u guys do for my 24 hours is a present to me already. i *heart* you all. Thank you for the SMSes! Thank You for the smiles! Thank you for the time spent! Thank you for everything! i really appreciate it.

I love my birthday that i wished i could continue being a princess! *coughs hard* Can i? =P

haha thank you JM

Thankies, though i know u got my age wrongly! ^^

It was supposed to be a good night*

Today, i went to work with neither things to do nor things to rot with. So, i was so bored that i just took a chance and ask bobby out for dinner. which he agreed to if only hes not meeting his gf. fair enuff. i wont mind la, couple couple let them enjoy arr right? =]

but then his gf was busy so he agreed to meet me. met at city hall interchange, and i have yet to decide where to eat. We walked n walked and he suggested seoul garden. I was craving for sushi so i agreed la! anyway i got the money to buy...

then when i wanted to pay for the meal, bobby rejected n said he pay first. oh ok, later i pay, i agreed. then i scold him hao lian cos he paid by credit. =x haha.

then we eat eat eat! im so suprised wadever we took can actually be walloped =x haha
and when we finished, he inclined to take my money. with the excuse: my birthday treat.

grr! but thank you bobby =]

met kak fad when i was on the way home. she took like 30 full seconds to recognise me or something. for god knows why, i wouldnt know =] but yeah

only to come back home with bobby dropping me a bomb - he got hacked.
TO that hacker, wadever comes around goes around. i believe that. if you may laugh n laugh, truth, u will get it.

God made the world that way.

*Installed antivirus, antispyware n deleted one firewall instead of having two. my laptop is clean anyway.

Tremble...

There are times when i think im just good for nothing.
Those are the times that i start to shed my tears needlessly.
My heart is far too fragile to handle information.
Everything has to be shed in tears.

Joy, Suffering, Pain, Anguish, Fear.

Sometimes i just wish people can read minds.
For that matter, the one whos being read has a choice of choosing the people who they want to share their inner thoughts with...
But then again, thats all done by using communication.
So, whats the point? Why am i complaining and ranting?

When my heartstrings are being pulled, tugged and taunted,
Did anyone felt it?
How much can 'Something is wrong...' and 'Is everything alright?' mean?
I have absolutely no idea.

Let me just stare into space.
And press the pause button to the story called 'Life.'

The Do`s and Dont`s when you are going out on a date (Rule no. 4)

A friend once told me something and all i can decide upon to summarise it is as qouted:

If you are fond (like, love or crazy about him/her) of someone, and it doesnt matter how unreal things can become if you are to be in a relationship with that someone, just tell him/her how you feel. If that person cares and feels the same way, both of you will eventually work things out together.

Its mutual respect and understanding + a lot of communication when it comes to indulging relationships. Tell him/her how much you care. Be frank if you do miss that someone. and dont fool them.

I love this one. *kisses*

Tiger Lily - Matchbook Romance

We drive tonight,
and you are by my side.
We're talking about our lives,
like we've known each other forever.
The time flies by,
with the sound of your voice.
Its close to paradise,
with the end surely near.

And if i could only stop the car
and hold onto you,
And never let go.
I'll never let go.
As we round the corner to your house,
you turned to me and said,
"I'll be going through withdrawal of you,
for this one night we have spent."
And, i want to speak these words...
But i guess i'll just bite my tongue,
And accept "someday, somehow"
As the words that we'll hang from.

And i, i don't want to speak these words.
'cos i, i don't want to make things any worse.
And i, i don't want to speak these words.
'cos i, i don't want to make things any worse.

Why does tonight, have to end?
Why don't we hit restart,
and pause it at our favorite parts?
We'll skip the goodbyes.
If i had it my way,
I'd turn the car around and runaway,
Just you and i.

And i, i don't want to speak these words.
'cos i, i don't want to make things any worse.
And i, i don't want to speak these words
'cos i, i don't want to make things
And i, i don't want to make things any worse

For my own reference =]

Crappy... i think i missed sewing so much that i even looked up on it at work...I love this website alot, though its for kids. http://www.everythingsewing.net/index.htm

Next... Distance Education. I'm looking forward to see which schools are attractive for distance learning... might as well try than rotting yeah? Hmm... Under John Hopkin's Department of Mental Health =x
http://www.jhsph.edu/dept/mh/distance_education/

Ohhhh... Need stuffs for BBQ? Look no further cos there is...
http://www.bbqwholesale.com/index.html

- i totally forgot the other link i wanna remind myself with -

oh well =D

>.<

Question: What do you do when you went down to the lobby from work during lunch hour, thinking of buying a bottle of green tea and you met your friends who are attached at the same place waiting for each other to go for lunch at Holland Market?

Answer: Nothing, because you will be dragged by your friends up to the bus and end up having lunch with them instead.

Yeah. They really dragged me up the bus and i had lunch with them. Nothing to be angry about but my mind was thinking about the workstation i logged myself into. >.< i made 2 guys talk to themselves while i was away =x

<3 all my friends. Muacks.

The Do`s and Dont`s when you are going out on a date (Rule no. 3)

Rule no. 3 - Dont use the HANDPHONE/MP3 unneccessarily during a date.

Its a turnoff seriously. Unless youre can do 6 things at 1 time, i.e...
1. talk to the person/people ure meeting,
2. listen to the mp3 and hearing his/her/their conversation(s)
3. (+ understanding what the hell he/she/they is/are talking about)
4. reply to some friends u are sms-ing over the phone
5. smile and give eye contact
6. and not diss your friends/date.

If not, Learn Your Dating Etiquette. (even with your friends.)
Thank You.

Oh yeah, For the previous rule, if the girl is already leeching you, and youre still being so nice about it, Talk to her, for gods sakes. Ok, maybe this is easier than done, but lets try doing a scenario.
o. Ask her will only things bought for her the only way to make her love you? Then she only loves you for your money. (dangerous? okay... i give another subtle example)
o. Tell her, 'Baby, since you demand for something expensive, mind you buying me a (put something damn expensive here)?'
o. Or just let her leech you and both of you dont get married. Hmm... nice ending here *sacarsm detected*
Go figure.

Disenchanted - My Chemical Romance

Well I was there on the day, they sold the cause for the queen
And when the lights all went out, we watched our lives on the screen
I hate the ending myself but it...
Started with an alright scene

It was the roar of the crowd, that gave me heartache to sing
It was a lie when they smiled, and said you won't feel a thing
And as we ran from the cops,
We laughed so hard it would sting

If I'm so wrong
How can you listen all night long?
Now will it matter after I'm gone
Because you'll never learn a goddamned thing

It's just a sad song, with nothing to say
About a life-long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong
This never meant nothing to you

I spent my highschool career, spit on and shoved to agree
So I could watch all my heros, sell a car on TV
Bring out the old guillotine,
We'll show them what we all mean

If I'm so wrong,
How can you listen all night long?
Now will it matter long after I'm gone
Because you never learn a goddamned thing

You're just a sad song, with nothing to say
About a lifelong wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong
This never meant nothing to you

So go, Go away
Just go, Run away
But where did
you run to?
Where did you hide?
Go find another way
Price, you pay

You're just a sad song, with nothing to say
About a lifelong wait
for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong
This never meant
nothing to you
C'mon

You're just a sad song, with nothing to say
About a lifelong wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong
This never meant nothing to ya
At all

Updated. For the Week =]

theres so much for me to blog abt this week so i shall blog it tonight. i
pray =x
-tuesday outing
-thursday mia session
-friday slacking
session =p

Tuesday Outing at Causeway Point =]

Karen, Shu Zhi, Calven, Jin Wei and Me, watched DOA. I made fun at both of them lmao. But oh well, they will never speak. OH - Dont worry Boon after your O lvls we will ask you out this time round okokok? promise ^^v. to all the Olvl students especially. Im so going to haunt u didi hw =x

Thursday MIA session

I lost my dodo PHONE. oh not really, i left it at my workplace, in my labcoat. SUPER HORROR. who knows, SOME important call? NOT TO MENTION my PHONE GOT STUPID DEAD PIXELS. crap. I need a new phone.

Friday Slacking Session?

Nothing to do... Almost... my hp is like flat, and gongkers as usual, and another line of pixels dead. Really, its like doing some dumb countdown on its own... Crap. Really crap. Oh yeah, PEOPLE seriously like to test my patience... i had enough but i will just await for retribution instead. =]

The Do`s and Dont`s when you are going out on a date (Rule no. 2)

Rule no. 2 - Girls, especially if you are attached, dont freaking leech the guys.

Once in a while leeching off his wallet is fine. But not all the time.
Come on pretty ladies, i know you will dig for branded goods, pretty clothes, long vacation, and everything, but dont be so demanding. It kills you. Being materialistic with the guy you love, is not a good sign.

You might scare him. He might think of this two ideas:
1. You love him just because he got money around his belly 24/7...
2. As a result, he might lose you if hes broke and unemployed.
3. He get stressed, trying to figure out what other materialistic things that will make you smile for your next months anniversary. or maybe, you only say i love you to him when you receive something from him.

Ok, thats not 2 ideas. But seriously, to me, going out with him will be a blessing already. Seeing him smile would be a good gift for me. Well, yeah, maybe for birthdays and yearly anniversaries, buying something expensive would be nice, but of course, an eye for an eye. You cannot argue with your boyfriend because he didnt buy you anything for this month when he already bought you 1000 bucks worth of diamond studded necklace.

I wouldnt, Id rather leech off him after im married (to him), i mean, by then, we would be trying to put a certain amount in a shared account and spending stuff for our home, for our kids, for our holidays together. To me, that will be a nice thing and a nice responsibility together. Easy to say ya? We are just creatures of habits, we do need to be reminded.

So, we girls also need to be responsible on a date. Why dont we offer to pay for ourselves at least, and if you think your guy is too egoistic or insists on paying... then order the food for him instead, and give the change thats just for his meal. He might not notice it if its a big note or something, but do insist if you can. Or before you set out on a date tonight, say that the bills on you. Dont always pressurise him with the responsibility he already have by supporting you. Share it with him. =)

Yeah, when i was working in a restaurant, this sweet couple pushed the bill to me, and asked me to accept the money from their hands. The lady insists to pay for the meal, but the guy keep saying that he wont be gentleman if he doesnt do so. I was pretty confused on which hand i should receive the bill from, but, i ended up saying, Sir, if thats okay with you, you can pay for her next meal instead. Ladies first! (lame joke and i smiled.) He said to the lady, 'oh, okay, the next one is on me, that you need to promise.' Which she did. pretty sensible right?

So... if hes the Right Guy for you, heed this bcos, i dont think you wanna get married any later... You might be leeching off the money hes saving up for your marriage.

The Do`s and Dont`s when you are going out on a date (in my POV)

I recently spoke to a good friend of mine and we were talking about our current situations of having such a dry dry pocket without any good ol' mooooneeeeyyy...
- No money, cant go out.
- Got money, sure will spend on food and transport.
- Got money, sure want to buy new clothes and necessities.
- Got part time work but still not enough to save up.
- No guts to do any 4D or soccer betting *whoops*

Oookay, you get the gist. Money is the root of all evil (sometimes they taste heavenly though.) You get a smexy car, and all the girls(though they might only dig for your car) dig you. You wear all the latest stuffs and gadgets, and people will wanna talk to you thinking that you are hot latest news. Stuff like that. You wont really mind being THAT poor and ditching all this heavenly sins unless...
-You ARE SOOO ATTACHED. *gasps*
-You seriously wanna ask this hot chick out. and she agreed to accompany you!
(okay, you know im exaggerating but what the heck)

So we were like, hey, how the hell would people like us survive on dates, at least the decent ones...? Now, i shall bring forth my trusty handy dandy notebook on Dos and Donts when you are going out for a oooh la la date.

Rule No. 1 - The Guy Pays for the First Date. Compulsory.
Why?
Guys, if you never do this, either you are just very stupidly stingy or you just dropped ur waterface lah (meaning, you either got no pride nor ur ego is stupidly doing some hidden tiger crap). Come on, maybe its just a thing, but its courtesy that when you ask a girl out you should foot for the first bill. Who knows, she wasnt that 100% interested to come and might not even want to eat at that MacDonalds restaurant. Tempt her with free food, movie, ice cream and let her choose for most of the stuff but please do think twice when a girl ask you to eat at some super expensive high class restaurant that has one scoop of icecream costing around 15 bucks or something. This girl might just seriously using you as a automatic debit card.
(Im not sure about how you are gonna tempt the other girls but you can tempt me with that =x If only you managed to get my no. that is =P)

For the girls,
Dont act tough for the first date. Dont act macho ok? Cos guys will have this stuuuupid blooody ego that they wont let us touch it unless they are ghey or something. They need to remind their own brains that they need to show that they are a person that is dependable and stuff. So just be demure and sweet and all that for the 1st date and everything will turn out OK. If they dont wish to pay for you for the first date, throw some food in his face and call him cheap. you will just know that he aint doing enough for ya (except for weird & unexpected circumstances - eg. during the date he seriously lost his wallet or he got robbed along with your handbag or something).

To be continued...

Finally, you can enjoy the purr without a sneeze

By Elisabeth Rosenthal International Herald Tribune
Published: October 4, 2006
Source: http://www.iht.com/articles/2006/10/04/news/cats.php

NEW YORK A small California biotech company says it has successfully found the Holy Grail of the $35 billion pet industry: a hypoallergenic cat. At the start of next year, the first kittens - which the company calls "lifestyle pets" - will be delivered to eager owners who have been carefully screened and on a waiting list for more than two years.

Since it announced the project in October 2004, Allerca, of San Diego, says it has received inquiries from people in 85 countries seeking to purchase a cat bred so that its glands do not produce the protein responsible for most human cat allergies.

If ordered now, it will take 12-15 months for delivery of a cat in the United States, 15-18 months in Europe. Cost: $4,000. And first, pass Allerca's finicky screening tests.

Prospective buyers are interviewed for motivation and warmth, approved as if they were adopting a child. Will they punish if kitty has an accident on the floor or scratches the furniture? Their families and their homes - from carpets to curtains - also must be evaluated for allergies and allergens.

"You're not just buying a cat, it's a medical device that replaces shots and pills," said Megan Young, chief executive officer of Allerca. "At the same time this is a living animal, so the wellbeing of our product comes before our customers. This is not some high priced handbag that you put back on the shelf if it doesn't match."

In the United States and Europe, cats are the most common household pet - there are an estimated 30 million in the United States alone - and cat allergies are one of most common human allergies. That combination has made many homes cauldrons of sneezing, itchy conflicts, where a fiancé is allergic to a partner's favorite pet, or a mother-in-law can't come for a festive meal because Fluffy is present.

With cat owners paying thousands of dollars each year for allergy shots, antihistamines and air filters to damp down allergies, $4,000 for a sneeze-free existence may be an acceptable price tag. Though more research is needed, preliminary independent studies suggest Allerca cats do not provoke allergies.

"As strange as it may sound, for us the price would have been worth it - it would have saved us money, and saved us pain from all the medical and also emotional problems," said Christopher Cullen, of New York, whose girlfriend's worsening allergies this week forced them to put up for adoption their beloved cat, Cimbi - a feline who had achieved "mild Internet notoriety" as the star of her own Web site (www.harlemfur.com).

Cullen and his girlfriend, Cheryl Burley, have fought a losing two year battle to engineer a tolerable co-existence with Cimbi, because Burley, a devoted cat lover, has had cat allergies since childhood. On www.harlemfur.com, you can watch Cullen, who works for the New York Senate Democratic Conference, giving Cimbi a bath to reduce her allergen load; he takes Cimbi on a leash to Morningside Park for a day, in order to give his girlfriend's allergies a break.

The couple never put down carpets, installed HEPA filters and vacuumed incessantly. But Burley's symptoms worsened in recent months, and that fragile equilibrium fell apart 2 weeks ago when they took in a second cat, Marley, which turned Burley's allergies from annoying to overwhelming. She couldn't work, couldn't breathe and had a seizure.

"Our whole life has gone downhill - I missed 4 days of work, I'm back on inhalers, eye drops and creams," Burley said. "This hypoallergenic cat would be a perfect solution for me. I'm determined to have a kitty."

Dr. Sheldon Spector, a professor of clinical medicine at the University of California in Los Angeles, recently studied the cats and said the concept seemed to work.

Ten volunteers with severe cat allergies were exposed to a variety of cats but showed no reaction to the Allerca cats, though all had symptoms with normal animals. "This is not a definitive study, but it is an interesting and intriguing concept that could really help people," Spector said.

For the moment, he said he would not recommend purchasing the cats because "$4,000 seems like a lot of money," and there is still the chance that some people may react to some degree to less common cat proteins.

Most human cat allergies are caused by fel d 1, a molecule that has been sequenced and its gene mapped in the last decade. At first, Allerca scientists sought to discover a method to delete or disable the gene.

But in testing to see whether the gene had been effectively silenced, they made a fortuitous discovery: A very small number of cats carry a mutant gene that produces a modified protein, far less likely to induce allergies.

At that point, the research shifted course. Allerca screened thousands of cats to identify a population with the modified gene and then set those cats to breeding. Since the mutant gene is dominant, these breeding cats could even be mated with normal cats to produce hypoallergenic kittens. And no special licensing or government approvals were necessary.

So for the past few months, Allerca's small pool of hypoallergenic cats have been busy reproducing. Their breeding facility cannot be visited, and "is at a secret undisclosed location," Young, Allerca's CEO, said.

At 10 to 12 weeks, every Allerca kitten is neutered before it is delivered.

The company insists this is mainly to prevent feline overpopulation.

But it should be noted that every Allerca cat carries the dominant hypoallergenic gene, and so in theory could produce, well, "copycat" hypoallergenic kittens.

In internal testing, Allerca cats do not produce allergic reactions. But only a few of the cats have lived in private homes, and only for a few weeks.

Last month, an Allerca public relations consultant named Julie Chytrowsky kept Joshua for several weeks at her Los Angeles area apartment; Joshua had flown to California to "do some publicity."

Chytrowsky, who says she is normally quite allergic, had no symptoms even though she allowed Joshua to sleep in her bed. "I fell in love with him," she said. "He is a real stud - well, he is a stud, really."

The company insists on screening all prospective owners and their families because the cats may still not be safe for people with the most severe forms of cat allergy, such as people who have been rushed to the hospital after anaphylactic reactions. It is possible they may react to even the modified protein.

The company assiduously pre- screens prospective owners. A Food and Drug Administration allergy test kit will arrive 5 weeks before each kitten and all family members must be tested. Another required test detects the presence of other allergens in the house through a collection system that clients must place on their vacuum.

"We don't want you blaming our cats if the real issue is mold or ragweed," Young said.

promised a friend of doing a post on the dos n donts in a date. (going to be done soon)

I will never be satisfied until i get my blogskin right!

sheesh.

*Drooling on phones*

Dig this!
Sony Ericsson Z610i
Sony Ericsson K750i
Sony Ericsson K800i

Compare it with...
Sony Ericsson T630

Sheesh. I really want a new phone (pressie is better =x)

just random thoughts.

*i hate to be bothered by this
but i cant help it.
shall change my blogskin soon. probably start making one later tonight.

*i dont seem to understand why.
when im there. with my promises & my assurance
with my warmth and compassion, it doesnt ever sow out anything good.
but when im tired of it. too tired of the waits. n the lies.
and the excuses... then it starts creeping up on me again.
i just need a very very detailed good reason why.

*and so people hurt my feelings.
but thats ok. i always say, its ok. nevermind its ok. im fine, yeah.
it hurts. but its ok. am i relying too much on my own beliefs of retribution?

*and i still have so much to give.
so much to do. yet i cant do it.
i wonder if i should really heed my doctors advice on visiting someone.
cos. i really cant.

*where in the world is SAL the OPTIMISTIC girl?!
[slaps self n shakes self n pours cold water to self]
sheesh.

*i dont like it but...
i keep remembering of the past.
bits n bits of it starts to piece itself back in my mind.
and the feelings ... none of which is nice... starts haunting my heart.
stop it.

*i dont understand why,
the more it happens, the more i long for it.
maybe thats the point of putting me back to reality.
i long for that. that. THAT. *whoops sorry sounds very demanding*
but i dunno whether i should ask for it.

*i dont even noe why i shd rant this all.
propably just to make me sleep.

Dont need no reasons why.
Just kill me, oh, Sweet Surrender.
Even though theres a need for... you.
Gladly take my life away slowly.
Hold me by then and say you love me.
While i mercilessly die in your hands.
Knowing you do, is enough...
... for that last breath.

--.DireGirl*+

Retail theraphy! (& it left my pocket burned)

Its true what they say...
Girls + shopping = heaven! (+ a little lighter pocket by the end of the day)

I read eva's & liang's bloggie yesterday, and i was reading her entry on what she and her friend bought when they went out shopping. Instead of buying 3 items on their lists, they ended up with 5-6 items instead, of which may not be what is on their original lists at all. I was amused. But i kept that in mind of what i WILL buy for today. Because i wanna see how much crazy i can be when i shop =x

And so... Mom and I went out to Causeway Point to do our shopping.
Our lists are:
- Queen-sized bedsheets
- Baking necessities (for me to bake my brownies)
- Handbag (optional)
- Shoes (optional)

Oh-kay. So the optional items are when if we really really think that its worth the buckeroos and its for Hari Raya. But once we reached cwp, trust me, we didnt even know it was raining outside! During the 3 hours of (heaven) enjoyment, this is what we got...

- Queen-sized bedsheets
- Baking necessities x2 <--- (people are bugging for samples) - Handbag (with 15% off) - Shoes
- Charm Bracelet (I really drooled on the blingbling =x)
- Two way foundation (Ireallyneedit =x)
- A bag of 100 candleslights (for aromatherapy/buffet styled heating)
- A bag of junkfood (for me to hide it in my room =x)
- A aromatherapy handle (for mom)
- Wall Clock (for replacing my dead clock)
- Noodles for Mee Hongkong =x
- Yong Tau Foo (breaking fast menu)
- *cough* some girl stuff =x
- scented can for the hall's air purifier
- scented can for the hall's air (i dont know what its called =x)
- *thinks* a vase of flowers

yeah... See! The joy of going out with mom. Overspending! woohoo =x Mind you, More than half of what we bought is from my pocket money. So i literally burned my pocket BAD.
I seriously cannot take it when i saw the charm bracelet. Nothing beats like a good service! and of course the bling blings.. im so dying to take a pic for you guys to see, but you know, my phone is always giving me problems and if i even took a picture it will be super super BLUR.

But hell yeah! i really had fun. Mom had her freedom too. We girls always get stressed up when dad is around cos we can never let our hair off and shop till we literally dropped. =x

But hey! all for the benefits of Hari Raya (im just giving a veryvery good excuse)

Toodles!

im standing in e rain
with autumn leaves in my head.
Dont ever make me feel
that you keep pushing me away
'cos i dont wanna leave
no... i will never leave
for as long as i can.

im still hoping.
upon my wishing star*
that you will let me...
be there.

Sick Puppies - All The Same (Free Hugs Campaign)

I don't mind where you come from
As long as you come to me
I don't like illusions I can't see
Them clearly

I don't care no I wouldn't dare
To fix the twist in you
You've shown me eventually
What you'll do

I don't mind...
I don't care...
As long are you're here

Go ahead tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

Hours slide and days go by
Till you decide to come
And in between it always seems too long
All of a sudden

And I have the skill, yeah I have the will
To breathe you in while I can
However long you stay
Is all that I am

I don't mind...
I don't care...
As long are you're here

Go ahead tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's always the same

Wrong or right
Black or white
If I close my eyes
I's all the same

In my life
The compromise
I close my eyes
It's all the same

Go ahead say it you're leaving
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

my lappy crashed. again.

if you see diregirl online, scream the hell out and ask who is in it.
because im thinking of doing a Missing In Action session.
For repairing my laptop.
For preparing for Hari Raya.
For a better rest.

Or maybe i should level up to 100 before i do so. =/

i just got a rough idea. random post.

As i sit in this quiet room,
i hear your constant breathing,
it serenades me,
it keeps me fulfilled.

i saw your chest moving,
and i looked at you sleeping.
i kissed your lips.
i held you close to me.

and i cried.

because baby, i hate to do this.
but i need to, baby,
i need to say goodbye.

Oh my love, dont hate me,
I cant keep up with this feeling.
It haunts me though its lovely,
But my guilt is killing me slowly.

As i know, i dont wish to leave you
But i hate to see you tremble
Let me leave, honey, let me not see you.
Let me suffer without you here with me.
because I wont be able to live any longer.
I dont want you to cry when im gone.

instead, i'll cry.

because baby, i hate to do this.

but i need to, baby,
i need to say goodbye.

because baby, i hate to do this.
but i need to, baby,
the only way i wont see you cry.

as i sit in this quiet room,
i hear your constant breathing,
it serenades me,
but its only present in my memory.

not a nice one, but ill get it done with better soon.

Pretty Random

Tagged by Aya (more of like, i forced her to tag me ~XD)

Appearance
I am a VERY short girl small teenager. =x
I am too used to having long hair, but now im a lover of shorter hair (curse you hair loss!)
I wear clear contact lenses (once i used violet, may intend to scare people again soon)
I only wear my spectacles when i lost my contacts or im lazy or im 400% sure that people i know wont bump into me (which is not always true...)
I tend to wear multiple layers of clothes... at times... =x
I am fair (fairer than my mom! *evil laugh*)
I am usually seen in jeans or pants... o.o
The chances of you seeing me in something other than black (in any parts of my clothes) is 0.001%.
My hair has been mistaken to be dyed, rebonded for countless of times...
My face gets flushed easily... (turns red)

Family, Home Life
I have 3 elder brothers (the oldest is 15 years my senior).
Im living in a 4 room HDB with my parents and my 3rd brother (plus my 11 year old cat [in human years. i dunno how to calculate cat years =x])
When we(my brothers and i) are all single and living under one roof,
- My first brother is the one that overlooks me (he loves to buy me gifts =))
- My second brother is the one that took care of me, and makes me laugh.
- My third brother is the one that i fought alot with (and i still do =x)
I miss my grandparents...
I have a nephew, and a niece (plus one more nephew coming soon! =D).
I tried making my family tree... but i cant manage as i only written it on a piece of A4-sized paper... (might make one online soon)

School/Work
In primary school, Mom loves to tie my hair. (classic two ponytails! =x)
I was the girl that does her homework till she falls asleep.
I dont like some of my teachers but i keep lying that fact to myself.
I didnt really bother about my appearance.
I have good praises every time i receive my report book.
I did alot of plays =) (imissedacting)
I dont know how to lie.
In secondary school, my brother loves to be bothered with my hair. (i tried outgrowing the bangs, baby~)
I get bothered by my weight alot.
I started to love the pom-poms, but never admits it.
I fell sick often.
I still dont know how to lie. (i hate this fact alot)
I dont like my big hoo-haa parents-teacher meeting when i was in sec 2. (affected me big time. curses*)
I love sitting behind, in the middle especially (overlooks & observes everyone =x)
I just realised i have a passion for first aid (sjab! rofl)(full of bitter-sweet memories)
I started thinking that i cant depend on anyone except myself.
I like to wear shorter skirts whenever i can alter it... (but somehow i tend to get away with it =x)
In polytechnic, my brothers love to remind me of my responsibilites.
I am more of all about myself.
I am more of all over the place.
I start thinking and worrying too much.

Embarrassment
I had a wardrobe malfunction when i was 14. in school. -.-
I fall down alot. out of nowhere.
I get red in the face anytime. which is embarassing.
I let my shoe fly.
I have a problem with heels. -.-
I tend to stare into space without realising that someone was talking to me.
I fell down from those high chairs in front of so many people... and i stood up, and giggled.
I bumped into alot of people. especially when i wasnt looking up...
I went out of tune when i was doing my parade command. (damn malu-ating)
I slept in a meeting before.
I slept in the national library, only to wake up with a bunch of guys staring at me. (is it my hair? my clothes? the way i sleep?) *blushes*

Travelling
I have taken bumboats.
I have taken ferries.
I have never sat in a plane before. (sadded)
I wish to go to New Zealand, Japan, Hawaii... (rants the list of countries)
I want to visit friends at Melacca, KL and sis at Japan. <3

Experience
Had dejavu... alot of times.
I once dreamt of my poly friends when i was doing my olvls. (like wtf right?)
I get lost in town easily.
I punched my brother before. where it really hurt. unintentionally. =/
Most of my online friends end up to become my real friends =))
I had fun jumping down from the top bed... (you know those double beds? yeah.) and stopped when i started getting my giddy spells.
I got a deep gash while playing with the rusty penknife.
I got hospitalised because of my cat before. (interesting?)
Lexotam & Lorazepam.
I ran away from school, a couple of times.
I slept in the bus on the way home.

Relationships
Longest relationship: 2 years plus
Shortest? 2 weeks. (ihatethisfactalot.)
Currently single. *Dreams of a wonderful lalaland relationship*
Dated 2 guys that were once my friends. (ihatethisfacttoo.)
Doesnt like a guy to woo me when i am in a relationship or when im in the midst of ending one.
I like to be on the phone/sms/msn or whatever with my guy anytime, everyday.
I give it my all when im in a relationship.
Recently, i just noticed that i dont even realise it when a guy is wooing me.. (god, this sounds stupid)
Most probably i need a guy to do a reality check on me. wtf is tt supposed to mean?
Friendship-wise, id rather not talk about it.

Sexuality
I have no idea (?)... cos i never had been really curious on this before.
But i can be naughty, usually only playfully around close friends.
But i know i love to cuddle and hold hands. o.o?
I get attracted to guys that can make me smile anytime.
I get attracted to guys when they notice the little things that i never thought they would notice.
I would not mind hearing a guys views on anything.(does this falls in this column? heck.)
But i dont like guys that expects me to tell them about myself. (ask me if youre curious, damn it.)
And when they contradict themselves. (like, duh. Damn you.)
And yes, my friends are the ones that tend to teach this naive girl about things.
Otherwise, i dont know what to write in this column.

Honesty/Crime
Stole. Fought. Cheated.
I have broken my own promises. and i hate it.
I try not to make promises, and thus i hate breaking it.
I have a problem of expressing myself, at times.
-doesntknowwhatelsetowrite-

Drugs/Alcohol
Never drank any alcohol before.
The drugs that i eat are those that are prescribed by the doctor. (and the drugs tend to be very pricey for me -.-)
The only drug i prevent to eat everytime i fall ill is paracetamol.
Sometimes, i try to not eat the pills i got for the certain period of time because im worried that i may really need it and its not there... (panic)
I never skipped my antibiotics before though.

Death/Suicide
I am afraid of death.
I had been suicidal before.
(contradictory, dont you think?)

Materialism
I only buy stuff that i think is worth for my money.
I tend to splurge even though i said that sentence before this.
I tend to buy food for my family as a treat from me.
I still think i tend to splurge.
I am thinking of opening another bank account that i will never touch the money inside until i seriously need it (but never managed to do so.)
I have to admit i buy stuffs that i might only wear/use once in my lifetime.

Politics/Social Attitudes
I dont really know if im a political person or not.
I am a patient person... usually at the wrong times.
I dont like to get angry or foul at people.
I dont like it when i see people i know and care of starts arguing.
I get frustrated easily when that happens.
and i will just lose it.
People tend to tell me that i smile alot, sometimes.
People tend to tell me that im a serious person, sometimes.
People tend to tell me that im naive, sometimes.

Random
I can be quiet at times.
I can be noisy at times.
I know i tend to giggle alot. o.o
I hate when people tell me that i think alot, but i wont mind them, because i need people to tell me for me to realise it so that i can stop it. (err, get what i mean?)
I love chocolates. Ice cream too.
I *heart* my laptop.
I hate people that doesnt have their own way of doing things. (perasan babeh.)
Oh, i know how to bitch, but i dont do it unless im compelled to do so.
Some people hate me for that, i guess. right, right? <.<
*thinks of what else to write*
*blanks out*
*apologises if sal never answer anything correctly*

-presses the button, Publish Post-

Lookie here!

CUTE <3

My supervisor is not coming... and i got tons of research papers to read. and my fyp report is due this sunday. Oh this is just ever so great~

ii musshh bee dreeamiingxx de laa
diss ish sho patheeticxx

pukes.

but hey! i can access the intranet from home! =D research papers hoo~

The day of Establishment...

For how long am i to stay here? No one is going to stop me from doing anything. All questions regarding it will be totally ignored by me. Period.
might as well give you a tight slap every time you ask...

im missing every single girl i know right now... really... very...


-pet talk-

=) <3, sal

While I'm at the workstation...

Im doing illegal blogging! Yay, so much for hardly there work for today.

Right now, in this quiet workstation, with only Me making stupid noises by typing on the very very clean keyboard... trying to print out some interesting research papers, instead of playing websudoku everytime *rolls eyes*.

Papers that I have printed out so far are basically looking under lupus. oh well, im curious about it still... so, scientific papers are the way to go! Rah~

1: Best Pract Res Clin Rheumatol. 2005 Oct;19(5):709-26. Links
The role of biomarkers in the assessment of lupus.
Merrill JT, Buyon JP.
Hospital for Joint Diseases, New York University Medical Center, NY,
USA. joan-merrill@omrf.ouhsc.edu
Although considered a prototypic autoimmune disease, the hallmark of systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE) is its heterogeneity. Accordingly, manifestations can vary widely from person to person, with the potential involvement of virtually any bodily organ. Furthermore, the genetic abnormalities underlying this condition are complicated, with diverse genetic polymorphisms described in different ethnic groups, strongly suggesting that the actual pathology underlying the immunologic disarray might not be the same for each patient. Evolving concepts of genetics and immunity have clarified that patients can carry unique arrays of exacerbating and protective factors. These factors, in conjunction with variable environmental triggers for SLE, probably determine the sequelae that an individual experiences. Therefore, it is not surprising that the clinical manifestations are diverse, the temporal sequence of organ involvement often unpredictable, and that the flares of inflammatory activity that characterize SLE can either remit without consequence or leave permanent damage in their wake. It is widely accepted that the current standard of care for SLE patients is inadequate. Programs to develop and test new drug and/or device therapies have been ongoing since the mid-1990s but have encountered formidable obstacles. With the current burst of drug discovery and the advent of several large international trials of promising new agents, the challenge to overcome these obstacles has never been greater. A burgeoning literature in the past decades nevertheless suggests that despite the complexities of the many immunologic pathways that impact on SLE, characteristic biologic markers are emerging as potential signposts that can characterize patient subgroups, predict prognosis, mark the exacerbations and remissions of SLE flares, and serve as endpoints in the determination of the dosing and timing of immune-modulating treatments. Several of the promising biomarkers are addressed in this chapter. PMID: 16150399 [PubMed - indexed for MEDLINE]

...and my supervisor asked me to bring down the glassware if i'm free. (thats pretty obvious aint it? -.-)

i go get my printed papers... shall edit this if im "free~! Rah~"

boo~

i cant believe it that i actually laughed out at the workstation reading kits bloggie.
i cant believe it that i actually slept in the train... Standing.

but i can believe that im going to cry to bed tonight... again.

ive taken my medication n i dunno if its working or having an effect on me. as im typing this post with my eyes closed, pardon me if i have any spelling errors. for now i just want to rant everything that i can think of before i seriously decide to do an overdose to myself with my pills.

my life is nothing but waste. right now i dont even understand why in the world my parents would even think that im lying when i said i went out to plaza singapura to eat macdonalds for dinner with a group of 9 and after which we just chatted n chatted. i dont understand.

if youre brother can go home earlier than you do, why cant you? come on, thats the most lamest excuse u can ever tell to a going to be 19 yr old girl, whos life has been always cropped up at home, quietly observing what everyone is doing. yah, as if, when my brother is 19 yrs old, they never reached home this late. yah, they last minute will give you a call telling you that they will sleepover a friends house. yah, and what have you, my parents, do? grumble for a bit but forgets about it whenever youre infront of them.

and why am i the one hearing your complains.... and yet i never even bother to tell my brothers that you two are whining to them? because i trust them n i noe they want freedom. what freedom have you gave to me?

if you dont believe me telling you that my handphone died on me, fine. thats your choice.
if you dont believe i was just hanging out with people im comfortable with, fine. thats your choice.
if you dont believe thats all i have been doing, fine. by all means.
cos i couldnt be bothered to say and raise my voice at you, my parents, because youre my parents n i do respect you.

but have you ever realised you hardly know anything about me? have you seriously gained you own daughters trust? have you ever for once hear my thoughts without rebutting and say something like, why must you do that? why cant you do this instead? and give me that i hate what youre talking look. do you realised how much difference have you placed on me than on my brothers?

i dun mind being the only girl, the youngest. but that doesnt mean whatever i say isnt the truth. i still feel so much hurt when i was 7 and i dislocated my leg, and all you did was scold me for lying and making a fool of myself. it struck in my head that you dont even believe me. do you know how much hurt i felt when i heard my own brothers dont believe i could get such grades for O lvls when i was 16? i still recall one of my own siblings say, you? get this grade? thats a joke.

have you seriously realised that whatever words you spoke to me are very very negatively impaired, even though its hardly obvious? why cant you learn how to trust me? maybe thats why you dont really earn my time pouring out my problems to you.

and all my life i have been keeping things to myself. you want me to tell you wads bothering me? but never for once you seriously listened to me as an individual. i think you listen to my niece n nephew better than you listen to me.

if you dont believe that my hp was dead, by all means, i have nothing to lie about. i once asked to get a new phone not for my own selfish reasons, but because i know you as my parents will always call me if im late.

tell me for once how many times in a month have i gone out with my friends? do you mind counting it for me? do you mind comparing it to the times my own brothers gone out? and wad time they reached home? please, if they say they reached home by 12 when they did reach home way later, and when they told you that you two just keep quiet n believe them when im here, in my room, knows the exact truth.

i hate to keep this anymore in me. i want you to know that my demands are simple. treat and respect me the same way you respect you own sons. if not, you will end up regretting somewhere along the road.

because you dont realise what ive been going through. you dont realise that im not in a tip top condition like you think i am. you dont realise this, you dont realise that the way you brought me up actually prevents me to tell you whats on my mind. you dont realise this at all.

you can say you get dead worried. fine. i know. but you never have read between the lines of my own life. you do not understand me, to an extend out of the door of this house. you will never guess what my mind is going through... cos you never tried hard enough to see that im already 19.

i shall never be suprised, if seriously, id be hospitalised one fine day... and till then you will find out so much information i have kept to only myself. you will be suprised. and maybe you will understand.

kak jijah once asked me, have you felt cornered or felt breathless at your own home... and i lied telling her that is not true when it is... never you realised why i never get out of the room sometimes? never you realised why i sleep up till the afternoon sometimes? you always blame me on laziness, but you never knew any specific and proper reason. why? because even if i tell you, all i know is that you will only take my never there life away.

when i say that there is something wrong with me, what have you said? nothing. you dont bother.
and if you ever read this, and you wish to talk to me, i can guarantee you that i will never speak anything to you. because you can never ask me this questions unless you have my total trust.

does it hurt not to earn trust from your own child? what about does it hurt when whatever you say, do, act, try to help, is all rendered useless. then there is no point telling you what i want because all i get is negativity. so. whats the point of talking? its lesser than the word Zilch.

you do not realise that i keep alot of things to myself. and all of this is not to worry you.
you have your own problems, and i at the very least would not wish to burden you.
all i wanted is some trust and faith.

you wont give it to me dont you? i doubt it.

Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner.Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare.You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie.Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you.For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

What's" Your Love Style?

I decided to help myself...

My lack of sleep was at its worst ever since last friday... and on sunday up till tuesday morning, i couldnt sleep at all. I was too weak, too distraught in thoughts, too messed up, and all over the place by then. All i could manage to do was to say i couldnt come in for work and i got myself to bed to sleep.

With the lack of sleep for 2 days or 3, i woke up only 4 hours later, just to get hit by thoughts n running thoughts again... this is seriously bothering me that i was just staring at the ceiling, lying on my back for a few hours.

i knew somehow, as thoughts starts to bother me, i knew i need to do something. I recalled someone trying so hard to allow himself to accompany me to the doctor for this. and when i heard his pleads, i only begged him not to. He only stopped after my repeated pleas. But of all people, his words hit me the most. somehow.

so i decided to help myself, despite of my fears of thinking that i could only come across as stupid and dumb. after all, the thoughts that runs in my head are pretty much related to blaming myself for just keeping on doing mistakes.

i had bobby on the fone (nope, its not him who bugged me on) but i had him on the phone just to console me to ensure that i actually step into the clinic and asked the receptionist that i need to see the doctor.

and when i saw him... i was so fearful that i already had tears in my eyes. he checked my pupils, my blood pressure, my breathing and asked me questions. and when he keep asking, some questions are just so difficult to give an infinite answer.

I dont think i would like to elaborate more as... its very very sensitive to me.
He decided to treat me with Lexotan. This can only survive for 10 days.
Who knows, i might make him my family doctor.

Pray i would be okay soon.

Breaking Benjamin - The Diary of Jane

If I had to
I would put myself right beside you
So let me ask
Would you like that?
Would you like that?

And I don't mind
If you say this love is the last time
So now I'll ask
Do you like that?
Do you like that?

NO!!

Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
So tell me how it should be

Try to find out what makes you tick
As I lie down
Sore and sick
Do you like that?
Do you like that?

There's a fine line between love and hate
And I don't mind
Just let me say that I like that
I like that

Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
As I burn another page
As I look the other way
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane
So tell me how it should be

Desperate, I will crawl
Waiting for so long
No love, there is no love
Die for anyone
What have I become

Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
As I burn another page
As I look the other way
I still try to find my place
In the diary of Jane

coming to 2nd week of attachment... and i dont wish it to be any worse. the fear of wads going to come hurling towards me scares me. right now. back then.

i just want some company... just do get a false sense of security that everything will be ok.

---

if someone cared. they wouldnt run away.
they wouldnt lie. they wouldnt disappear.
if someone missed. they would think about you.
they would worry about you. they wouldnt forget.
if someone loved. they are always by your side.
they would sacrifise. they wouldnt give up on you.

---

its hard not to lie to myself
its hard not to deny
its hard to forget
its hard to pass by

its hard not to wish happy birthday
its hard not to make it a special day
its hard.

its hard not to buy a gift
its hard not to see it
its hard not to actually send it
its hard not to give it either

its hard just to smile
its hard just to accept
its hard just to throw all my plans for that day
its hard just to keep to myself

i wanted to make it such a memorable day
i promised myself that i would a yr back
its hard just to accept the facts that
its hard but i should just throw it away

for such cruelty.
the item is still here with me.
but i just couldnt do it.

Stop this. I dont know what to say.

I cant sleep.
& I only slept at around 7.15, the time before i forcefully closed my eyes...
& ... I woke up soon after... writing this entry... after my brother pried the laptop off my hands while i was so-called-sleeping.

less than 2 hours of sleep... and my eyes are still not tired nor sleepy.
Well, whatever it is, lets just type type n type yah?

Went out yesterday with my family... mom, dad, me, 1st bro, with sis n my nephew. Johore! Pasar Pandan... hmm... nothing great but its fun... its been a while since i laughed that much (and that loud... =x)
Bro sis n nephew did a sleepover for the night, and we only reached home at around 1 plus in the morning...

Truth be told... i never would like to switch on the laptop, only to see something that i dont think i would like at all. Seriously, maybe i should seriously study Human Psychology, cos... somehow i just wish i may end up as a counsellor or something. Working in an office or lab may eventually kill my brain cells. But who am i to say? I enjoyed working interacting with people instead of working alone... but at times i rather work alone... So i seriously wonder what am i going to do next year? When i told mom that i wanted to be a counsellor, she said, you? sure anot? later hear peoples story ur heart aches because you might end up solving ppls problems and not your own. mom sure knows how to actually kill my dreams instantly sometimes.

the whole thing is that. i only got this weekend as a well deserved holiday. i seriously wish to just be happy with happy people around me. i got alot of things to take care of. especially when it comes to deciding the fate of my life(in terms of studies, work, etc.) and maybe my partner(for fyp) as well. have it not be written across my face, for i do not know, but i know i do warn people that i need some time off to myself. that time is not just a day. or a few hours, but its SOME time. and when im cheery, god forbid, stop being so mellow.

seriously, i do not know what to say anymore. If someone wished to bestow upon him whatever he thinks, so be it. For what i have said, i needed some time off... and really, does it sound like a big demand? Doesnt it simply equates that, i need some space to breathe? no it dont? oh god. then i have no other way to say it but with the anger building up inside me.

Ive been through alot of regrets for this year... and i sincerely would like to take a step back to see what have i been doing all these while. More or less, I would LIKE to erase alot of things from my mind... just like 2 years ago. BUT, to an extend, that will affect the relationships around me. ive been doing alot to earn back what ive lost. and yet im still at the losing end.

whatever that is, this time round, im blessed with people that cared. that pushed me and nudged me to move on, and be stronger. and right now i wish to gain back my old self, some of the qualities and character that ive lost. But im so happy that i lost so much of the short fuse and shoutbacks, but somehow i think i lost it to an extend that i cant even get angry at times. should i regret? i cant, cos i did this upon myself, whether i like it or not. Ive got to move on.

Cant you see im trying to cheer up for abit? to be happy and all? and people will definitely say. look at sal, she changed. I dun understand her anymore. Have u even tried? Seriously, or did you try too hard till you got lost somewhere? cos right now, im just shutting myself out from any feelings. cant u see? i dont wish to feel anything other than happiness for the time being. does two wrongs make 1 right? cos seriously, i dont wish to feel anything else than seeing myself with a smile across my face.

I seriously hate it when people dont understand the reason why i do not wish to explain or defend myself. because I dont want to get angry and do an action on impulse. even so, should you test my patience?

and I just Wrote this because Im angry. AND EVERYTHING here is on impulse. Im TIRED. tired of being so patient. TIRED of being nice. Tired of being down. Tired of being ME. If anyone ever say im angry with them. BY ALL MEANS, I WONT STOP YOU. cos Ive already said to what im TIRED OF being.

SO if you ever take these words to heart or TOO hard, my fellow readers... and i have to say is, JUST READ MY TITLE for this post.

it doesnt means im dumb or im in the wrong when i never say anything at all. and READ between the lines.

amazing how much bitterness i actually poured out to this innocent-introduction post.

I dont think people will ever realise that im suffering through what i think its right because i know that choosing what i wished to do will make me a happier person.

Im sorry...

sorry that i havent been blogging for the week. but i dont think this will be a good entry to make up for it.

somehow im just compelled to write and make an entry tonight.
i just cut my hair. ive been waiting for it for months. i should be happy...
but something just made me feel so... down.

i have been down since yesterday. the emotions that i felt was really immense; practically slapped me right in the face and made me cry until no tears nor a voice to accompany it. i couldnt think. i was down. so down until i was practically on the floor.
on my knees.

why? why?!

im just ruining my life. this way.
if only i can come out from underneath my table and knowing that everything around me is not out there to hurt me, id be feeling better. if only someone could be kind enough to sit beside me right now, id be thankful. i cant take this momentarily feeling of lost. solace under this table.

leave me alone if you can never be by my side. leave me unhurt if you know you will end up getting enough of me. dont teach me when you know that you wont end up happy.

im left tattered. and still unbelonged.

Natasha Bedingfield - I Bruise Easily (UK version)

True - Ryan Cabrera

papa roach-scars

Fireworks. Kireiii

Woke up. with bad bad flu. told mom i need to go out.(butimsobroke).Today, we are meeting up for Anni's farewell - shes going off to US for further studies.

Talked to mom. Read the papers. Check school work. Did some timekeeping. checked out omega sector for an hour. tried figuring out what to wear but ended up asking mom. Got ready to go out.

& MY FLU IS LIKE... RUNNING TAP WATER LOR. zomg. hate it so much. ++points with my headache. GG lor. pfft.

order of meeting:
zj bobby kt lobbie marc anni jiamin cass karen mervyn galvin(&hisgf)

Met at City Hall MRT station. called n called n called like a gazillion times to be sure that we didnt miss out anyone. T_T bobby showed his friends pics(earlier on they were poking fun at me when i msned him; he was doing his project and the laptop wasnt with him) and zj lend me his psp (though i too shy to play it in front of the crowd). finally knew lobbies real name but i still cant register it in my brain <.<>hw couldnt come. xuan as well. lq too. family gatherings.

we went ahead to seoul garden at marina. but because it was the eve of national day, the cost will be 27 bucks per person. we are like, *^$^ flyflyliao* and decided not to eat there. went into marina and they were like asking me to decide on a place to eat. for me i do not like to be the one choosing the place to eat. but we all decided upon taking away food from nearby fastfood of our choice and getting an open space to sit and wait for the fireworks at 9pm.
bobby and i [ljs] zj [err.iforgot] anni [kfc] therest [burgerking]

ate and sat on the floor in a oval shaped manner. took some medication after that. marc was sending smses to me and anni to try out our phones - all the japanese characters turned out as [][][][] in our phones. lol. anni and i desperately need new phones! =x did some mini chitchat among ourselves while waiting for the fireworks to happen. and when it did. all of us stood up to watch. 12 minutes of fireworks.

IT WAS SO NICE! ~XD
*wishedthatiwastherewithsomeonespecialbutishemysomeoneanymorebcosidonotknow*
i kept saying oh dear/wow - this is pretty.I was like *tiptoes to see fireworks at the bridge and looks up to see the fireworks*. i did gasp with delight. loved the one that changed colour and that filled up the whole sky. Never mind the fact that trees (and people, for my case) were blocking me from getting a good view at the fireworks near the bridge, but the ones that were displayed higher up towards the sky was so nice and pretty.

*Note to self: Please get your butt to watch NDP live and the fireworks again next year* =x

and the 12 minutes of fireworks display was too short in my honest opinion. MORE MORE! =x After the fireworks, we decided to hang around at Esplanade for mini chitchats. this is the worst part of all. THE CROWD IS CRAZY. its like ants finding sweet treasures(mrt/bus home) . kt went on and said Summon Balrog. <.< lol. while trying to cross the streets, there were too many people. and somehow i started feeling worse even though i took my medication earlier.

While waiting for the crowd to subside so that we can sit near colours of the bay facing the singapore river (karen went off to find someway to get us there), my body started heating up and making me flush but my hands and feet were turning into ice. I started flushing and the food was at my throat but i couldnt manage to throw up. the involuntary tears started to appear and everything was so... slow/bland/blur/i couldnt figure out what was happening. i only could cover my mouth with my hand and wipe my tears. i couldnt figure out what i would have done but that faint/giddiness/vomiting feeling was so strong and i was trying to fight back. i think bobby was waving his hand infront of me and was asking if i was feeling alright. i couldnt even see lobbie and jiamin infront of me for some time. when karen came back she even led the way with her holding me. anni offered me sweets so that i dont feel nauseous. it took us quite some time to get seats. <3 u all for the concern.

bobby kt talked about ns. marc zj crazed about psp. karen anni had mini conversations while watching marc and zj. jiamin napped. cass read comics? yeah. kt passed lollipops. me? trying to make sure i dont throw up at bobby who was sitting infront of me. =/ passed gift/card to anni =) *smooches anni* lol.

mervyn came with galvin (so late lor!). got abit better and chatted to mervyn. anni left earlier to catch the bus. 1130 and we all went off. karen got her hubby to fetch her (bobby and kt being cheapskates getting free ride) zj took another train. we all managed to get the last train home. marc left, cass, then lobbie. mervyn and i should have left the train but we decided to stay on board and send jiamin till cck making sure she get a bus ride home. no bus/train for me n merv so we shared a cab - i owe u one merv =p

by the time we reach cck my fever and flu started to annoy me again. luckily there were a few taxis waiting. the cab was cold la - involuntary action of placing my icy hand over my mouth. but my body was heating up and i was feeling somewhat uncomfortable. bobby and zj made sure i msged them when i reached home. cass n jiamin msged me when they reached home/with their parents. made the cab driver stop to the road nearby my block - so that the fare would be cheaper. reached home by 1 plus. took something light to eat before my medication and now waiting for the giddiness to subside before i get myself to bed. msned mervyn that im home. all of them forcing me to sleep now.

thats about it =) [we didnt take a group pic again didnt we? =/]

somehow.somethingwentwrongsomewherebutwhatsdonesdone.
icanthelpbutgotremindedofthereoccuringdreamswhichbothersme.
myheartdontfeelrightanymore.imfeelingprettyidioticsomehow.sigh.
ijustwishedtherewasacalloramsgformefromhimforonce.

skipped IMM lecture. woke up with signs of flu. giddy like dunno lah.

2-3 IMM tutorial. dr lim shook her head at me -.-

4-5 IMM practical TEST. DIE DIE MUST PASS

today is like a busy day for my phone. AND i can see how badly i need a new phone. T_T

idontquitegetthewholeideawithwhateveriamthinkingnow.
thisisseriouslybotheringme,yetagain

one week of torture T_T
wednesday test
thursday test
friday exam

it was killing me.

ill post more later. watching movie now =x
and god i missed anger management yesterday~
GAH.

Yuna Ito-Endless Story (NANA電影主題曲)

Adapted From the movie/manga/anime NANA.

She is pretty isnt she ^^. She acts as Reira aka Layla in NANA. i bet some will love this.

By the way, my brother got discharged today =D and he brought home so many get well soon hampers. Im envious =x

I made a few people worry about something also - how naughty of me =D

Specially dedicated to... you^^. yep you reading my blog right now... whoever that may be... =)

If you haven't changed your mind
soba ni ite hoshii yo Tonight
If you haven't changed your mind
I want you to be by my side Tonight

tsuyogaru koto ni tsukareta no
osanasugita no Everytime I think about you baby
ima nara ieru I miss you
It is hard to say I'm sorry
I was tired of acting strong
I was too young Everytime I think about you baby
Now I can tell you that I miss you
It is hard to say I'm sorry

* tatoeba dareka no tame ja naku anata no tame ni
utaitai kono uta wo
owaranai story tsudzuku kono kagayaki ni
Always tsutaetai zutto eien ni
For instance, I want to sing this song
not for someone else, but for you
The endless story continues into this radiance
I always want to tell you always, forever

Memories of our time together
kesanaide kono mama don't go away
Memories of our time together
don't disappear, they stay like this, they don't go away

atatakaku tokedashite tashikameru no
yasashisa no shizuku kono mune ni hirogatteku
setsunai hodo ni I'm missin' you
kasaneta te hanasanaide
Beginning to melt warmly & make certain,
the drops of kindness spread on my chest
I'm missin' you so much that I'm sad
Don't let go of my hand upon yours

tatoeba kanau nara mou ichido anata no tame ni
utaitai kono uta wo
owaranai story taema nai itoshisa de
tell me why oshiete yo zutto eien ni
For instance, if the wish comes true,
I want to sing this song for you again
The endless story with an endless love
tell me why tell me always & forever

source:http://www.corichan.com/lyrics/singles/yunaitosingles.html#endless