I decided to help myself...

My lack of sleep was at its worst ever since last friday... and on sunday up till tuesday morning, i couldnt sleep at all. I was too weak, too distraught in thoughts, too messed up, and all over the place by then. All i could manage to do was to say i couldnt come in for work and i got myself to bed to sleep.

With the lack of sleep for 2 days or 3, i woke up only 4 hours later, just to get hit by thoughts n running thoughts again... this is seriously bothering me that i was just staring at the ceiling, lying on my back for a few hours.

i knew somehow, as thoughts starts to bother me, i knew i need to do something. I recalled someone trying so hard to allow himself to accompany me to the doctor for this. and when i heard his pleads, i only begged him not to. He only stopped after my repeated pleas. But of all people, his words hit me the most. somehow.

so i decided to help myself, despite of my fears of thinking that i could only come across as stupid and dumb. after all, the thoughts that runs in my head are pretty much related to blaming myself for just keeping on doing mistakes.

i had bobby on the fone (nope, its not him who bugged me on) but i had him on the phone just to console me to ensure that i actually step into the clinic and asked the receptionist that i need to see the doctor.

and when i saw him... i was so fearful that i already had tears in my eyes. he checked my pupils, my blood pressure, my breathing and asked me questions. and when he keep asking, some questions are just so difficult to give an infinite answer.

I dont think i would like to elaborate more as... its very very sensitive to me.
He decided to treat me with Lexotan. This can only survive for 10 days.
Who knows, i might make him my family doctor.

Pray i would be okay soon.