today's entry will be a long one. bear with me =) if you wonder what is it like to be me, or you love to just read a long entry, you should try reading this. i try not to write short forms or bad grammar - though i know im bad at that.
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when the clock strikes 12, stating its midnight, i was busy with my school work, trying to finish up my proteomics homework and my statistics assignment. (thanks zj for accompanying me throughout the night, though i know you will end up falling asleep waiting for me to finish up my work - you even tempt me with nana manga =/) oh well, with slight snacks in between to keep me awake. (which reminds me that i should make myself a cup of coffee tonight). but, i got a bit too tired that i fell asleep not doing my maths. before i went to bed i tried to give my brain a mental note to wake up by 0700 at least, or 0645.
and i did woke up at that time, but only to wake around the house for 5 - 10 mins before i jump onto my bed again.
let me close my eyes for 5 mins... nooo 10 mins... noooo... *dozes off again* i woke up for that
nap after hearing my mom calling my name. 0945, the clock said. oh dear. about 1 hour more before i need to leave the house for tutorial. *rushes to get my maths assignment done*
doing school work? *looks at laptop screen*
hmm...*nods*
okay... bro went off and closed the door behind him. he looked pretty sleepy today, like he always do.
After rushing all my work, i picked out clothes that can save me alot of time. even so, i had 5 minutes to spare to eat some spoonfuls of rice. i took my time wearing the scarf and pinning it.
oh dear... i pricked myself even after being so careful. it should not bleed but it did. i looked at my finger and pondered for awhile.
*shakes head* and thinking...
nothing should go that wrong today... but i should be careful.so i went off and tried to rush for the bus/train/bus that will get me to school. got pretty lucky to reach school on time.
hehe. showed my lecturer my i-really-tried-my-best-in-doing-this homework and he looks satisfied with it. he even gave me some advice on how to do it nicely. and here i thought he is going to be looking at me and get crossed because i thought i did not do my work up to his standards.
silly me... also, i almost flipped when they say that maths are to be handed in by 12pm. im in my tutorial. Lucky ME again, i got my friend calling in and allowing us to hand it in after that. bugged my friend to hand it in for me. =p
tutorial ends. called mirza and he was busy doing fyp at the greenhouse. called hedz and she didnt pick up my call. called deb and she was going off to roll~ heh. what ever that meant its just our language =x so i just bought myself a bottle of green tea, a packet of tidbits and lime mag(i wanted elle, or female but its sold out -.- go for the cheapest one lah.) sat near my lecture theater, with my mp3 on and munching and reading and drinking for 1 hour. after that its 3 hours of lecture.
listened to lecture but messaged zj now and then. but i try not to message too much because my handphone is going to faint on me anytime soon.
(its a red bar-last bar) the phone was giving me some problems to reply some messages so i kind of got irritated and ignored it. my mp3 died on me so i switched to my laptop till the end of the lecture. it was pretty fun to see an embryo divide and in the end see the basic features of a zebrafish. walked off and met mirza with his gf (squeals! long time no seeee). then i walked to SIM only to see steph and icha. both of them commented on the amount of weight i lost. ken joined in as well, and he went off with steph to go fort canning - by catching a cab. icha and i went home taking the same bus to bukit panjang. i talked to her. and checked my phone.
(yellow bar - 3 bars full... weird phone. mad phone)alighted at bukit panjang and waved icha goodbye. while waiting for the bus, mom messaged me.
what time are you finishing school?
im on the way home.
where are you?
bukit panjang. why?
she took some time to reply. while waiting i saw a stretch of ants trying to move a big piece of sweet wrapper to the nearest grass patch, most probably thats where their nest is. and i even got bitten by an ant.
187 came. board it. and then a message came.
bro is in hospital. hes not feeling well. dad is going to go straight after you reach home.
i do not know how to react. suddenly there isnt any tune i could remember i can sing to. its just me watching things passed by quickly. and i thought...
why my brother? he didnt look half bad today. is he really alright? what is he suffering from? he never got warded ever since i was a kid... am i self centred till i do not realise he is sick? am i so ignorant to my own family? what have i done? why my brother and not me? im the one who kept asking for it. just like when grandma got hospitalised. its like... they got in because of me... or am i just kidding myself? what is it with me...
funny... my mind flashed to what happened before i went out. as the saying goes, something usually happens if you get pricked before you go out. my eyes stung. it went dry in the cold air. somehow suddenly i got a bad reaction to the airconditioned bus. or was it me trying to hold and prevent myself from crying? i have no idea. i could not sleep in the bus like i usually do. i keep walking at a fast pace to reach to my destination fast: Home.
by then. my handphone died on me. i junked it away in my room. took my wallet and my bottle of water, tasted some of moms cooking before my parents and i went off to pick up sis and my niece and head on to the hospital.
i wondered whether my phone has this weird telepathy that it needs to be on till the important message came.
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i kissed my brother's hand. it felt so warm that i almost cried knowing that he got a high fever. he was in his home clothes and lying on the bed with a drip connecting to his arm.
it hurts, he said. i wondered whether it's just me acting clever because im too used to the needles stuck on my arm or that he havent felt such pain in a long time. i cant help but to think that i missed him. even when he is in front of me. i entertained my innocent niece thats running around and she even crawled under the seat. the visit was short but my mind was filled with questions for only myself to answer. my second bro joined us(his parents, sister, wife and kid) after his dinner.
doctor said its probably due to throat infection. the fever should be down soon.
bro said he got blood poisoning.
bros gf (who is a nurse) said he propably got URTI - upper respiratory tract infection, judging from his symptoms.
3 different explanations, but it all can link up together. if youre a science student you should understand what i meant.
after visiting my brother, we went off to adam road to get our dinner. and went home. i was singing an old song i heard from the radio. kinda forget how it sounds now though.
by the time i reached home its 2230. charged my phone and replied the messages. bathed and came online. and blogging up until now. yes. this is a very long entry. but its worth my time and energy even though im very very weak now. i even found it weak to reply my smses, but i did replied till they said goodnight. i dont think its nice to just say."oh yeah. today i really feel very weak overall cos my brother got warded".
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take good care, bro. i pray for your wellbeing. i still can remember that you said you missed bullying me when i got hospitalised. now, i just missed you for not being there to bully me. going to make a cup of coffee to keep myself relaxed...
-sal-
