Living A Life in Dire's Shoes*

oh well. just rewrite what i wrote in spam can.

somehow in my heart i knew there is something wrong something that i feel that i wish i could break away and start it the way it was before somehow i feel such pain such pain i cant stand anymore somehow this decision i made can be either a blessing or a mistake somehow i cant help but wonder was i the one that was 25 minutes too late to realise somethings amiss i wish i can hear that voice over the phone and i wish i could ask what i feel like asking i wish that im just imagining things somehow its killing me right down here here in my heart right down to this core why was i crying on that day why was i feeling so down and low and feeling so ungrateful do anyone care i feel like its not true no one cares but they show like they door do they i dont know i really dont i feel like a nuisance i feel lost i feel fear i feel empty so empty i dont even think that its even filled in the first place whats wrong with me i dont know i really dont i cant stand the tense feelings everywhere i go i cant help but feel so fragile and so much fear i dont feel great i dont feel good either i love everyone i really do but i do not know what is happening around me i dont get it i dont understand i hate this i hate this i hate this so much its no longer a feeling to me its so empty empty empty what have i done to stop this am i a fool am i an idiot i dont understand i dont know what i want to do anymore in this life i dont get it i really dont i look like im not doing anything but im no fool dont they know even my family doubts me even they dont think i care even they dont hold to such things i dont want to feel this way i wish that time stops somewhere earlier where i will never regret anything that i desired or did this year i hate my life i hate it i hate me and i had the greatest dream of feeling how issit like to actually get stabbed in the back and die suffering out of nowhere somehow that sadistic feeling made me cry so much that the pain was a cure i just wished i was the person i was before even though im still me but whatever i blew out of proportion is no longer real i will be deciding to just stop talking and start feeling numb all over again i think my heart decided to actually stop doing what i loved best to just quit it and start living and helping my loved ones but somehow i dont realise that my desire has been crumbling what i have been trying so hard so hard all my life i worked hard for it and i just lost it i really am losing grip of what is there to it i dont get it i really dont i dont understand even though i am keeping myself all locked up in my own room my own prison my own world my own desire to just break free from nothing that i dont understand i dont get it i dont appreciate it i am losing it i even feel like im losing my sanity but i dont think thats right i prayed to god that i will be ok i pray to god that everyone i love will be fine despite of what they have done they will be under his care i love the people i met so far i cherish them yet i just dont know how to feel great somethings missing somethings empty somethings wrong i just cant help it stop bugging me like as if your are so good so wise to even tell me anything stop hurting me stop it stop it stop it i wish to drown i dont want it anymore i miss somebody so much despite of what happen yet i still love and keep on loving for whom for everyone i love i met i cherished dont lie to me dont hurt me stop doing this to me stop killing me stop it stop please stop the time stop this feelings stop making me cry inside i dont wish to lose composure i dont want this please start loving and reasoning and understand please stop doing this stop hurting myself with this stop stop stop im all out of breath and i cant take it anymore sal wish to just get hospitalised somehow somewhere argh this is stupid let me get through this give me the heart to bear with it please dear god help me help me please help stop this