leave me alone.

sometimes i think of suicidal.
whenever people around me arent feeling happy.
even if its to me or if the feeling is to they themselves.

i dont like it.
i dont like it when someone raises their voice.
but sometimes i wonder why do i do the same.
to instil fear? or did i learn too many wrong things...

im really tired.
tired of hearing things like these.
and i want to talk to someone.
but... how the hell am i supposed to talk about it?

maybe thats why people leave gaps between themselves and me.
its ok. i understand. its better than lying to urself.
because i will know when someone is keeping things, lying to me.
or mocking me.

or is it just me thinking too much.
but i stopped making too much doubts for quite some time already.

after all, when i think about it too much,
maybe no one will ever love me,
like the way i think love should be.
or, the way i love something or someone.

i have been trying to be strong.
and im too afraid to falter.
but i fear too much now.

im scared. im really really scared.

call me whatever you want.
right now im just feeling too fragile.

and if ure intending to mock me,
by all means - do so.
who knows, maybe i...

i better not say it.