Frustration.

This is my expensive set of tools.

And please compare it with my cheaper set of tools (from Daiso)


This proves the theory that not everything expensive is as good as something cheap.


My box of jewelery making *hearts*

And now I'm on my knees...

As much as I've been...

I'm just very very very PMS-y. Seems like I go all crazy before, and get all pissed after. O_o No wonder bro keep telling me I'm unpredictable and "is always on PMS." lmao.





Sorry if that's totally not an easy entry to swallow. Heh. I wanna blog on a lot of things but... I keep getting this odd mental blocks everytime I logged in to blogger. Something's odd - Maybe I keep sleeping during my me-times and I wonder if my me-times are really spent properly.

I guess I know why I keep getting frustrated... like... why am I scared over the idea of putting everything on the table? I keep trying to find the right time to tell mom about it, I mean, yeah. Telling sis helped for a bit, but obviously she didn't bear me as a child and I'm putting myself in my mom's shoes. I guess I'm quite scared over a lot of things - ehem. My internet savvy siblings would probably kinda wonder what in the world I'm talking about.

Anyway - I don't feel like I'm being honest. Even though I can't seem to figure out what I'm not being honest about? Some odd mentality I'm having. And I think another thing would be is that - Keeping myself asleep all the time is actually keeping me unaware of the things I have to catch up with. Especially with... my good buddies, my godbro, my family... everyone.

(._. )

The Saga of Retardation

Like. Honestly?

My Monday Blues turned out to be Monday (filled with) Retards.



Before I went to bed for Monday, I was hit by one.
Getting himself boiled into his own water.

After I'm up, I was hit by the retarded Iron.
Seems like it is insisting to not smoothen out the creases on my blouse.
But for any other, it was fine. -_-"

When I'm working, I was hit by alot of characters to start of with.
I hate it if I have to really start the week like this.

Maybe the only 2 things that was good today was
- My Nap
- And my sweethearts babes who listened to me rant at night

STILL, I still got hit with a retard,
Who emo-ed for TWO freaking donkey weeks.
Like, by now, I'm too sick to talk about it.
Spoiler of the night, really. zzz
Thank god the babes are there to coax me.


Tuesday's My Day.
Don't ever spoil it, people.
You'll get burns.

Operation: Self-Dehydration Commencing...

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Can i cry?

Done.

I cried throughout watching A Walk To Remember. Even at the not-so-sad scenes.
Plus even after the movie itself, until I couldn't cry anymore.
I don't think I cried entirely based on the movie lines.
I think I cried more because the words I read in Nicholas Spark's AWTR are playing in my mind per scene. The description in the book is way detailed but the movie doesn't capture much of it. I did cry while I was reading the book way before the movie came out.

Just like the wind.
You can't see it,
but you can feel it.

I felt the pain somewhere along the lines.
To the story or to mine, I certainly have no idea.


-------*

Gary got this after his character got wiped out clean, with nothing spared.

Dear Player,

Although we sympathize with you, but we regret to tell you that it will not be possible to recover any in-game items, and mesos, as this game runs in real time and all transactions, and activities, are done in real time.

Players in the game come from all walks of life. Learn to identify people with ill intentions and trust with care. This will be useful even in real life.

Do note that ultimately, players game accounts including all items and mesos are their sole responsibility.

Thank you.

-------*

There's a hell lot of incidents I can shed tears about, anyway.
Some are people's characters.
I don't know...
If I'm that easy to bully, what's the fun of it after so long?
If I keep letting you win time and over regarding a misunderstanding, can't you just stop and think 10 times about your actions first?
I keep thinking that certain people are just jerks sometimes.


-------*

I'm sick of it I wish to get out of this place.
Maybe going to Monash might be a good idea after all.
Who'll miss me then? =]

Both We and Our Words are Over-Produced by Influence

Acronyms for the post:
Geylang (gl) and Jurong East(je)

Say Hello to the World! Hope my readers are all fine =]

My December calendar seems to be rushing and things are looking like as if it's spinning out of the rink of Time.

Dad finally decided upon the new flooring, and it should be done before Hari Raya Aidiladha. Apparently it was a torture, as I think that we almost got cheated out of our money.

So we went around finding a contractor to do the flooring, and at gl, we were spotted looking around by an agent in his shop. Being friendly, my dad opened the table with his intentions. Whatever happened, I was observing this talkative man.

-Short description of the conversation-
Dad: So how much does it cost to do the whole house?
Him: Arhh.. For your house ar, abang, don't worry, it's about 4k plus.
Dad: What about the living room?
Him: Oh, cheap one. 2k plus ar. I give discount on the doors.

...

If I was drinking, I'd probably spat out the water at his face out of disbelief. My brain was ticking and my heart was pumping. Come on, it can't be that much... My instinct started kicking in. I whipped my phone out and smsed my brother regarding the cost of his fiance's flooring cost. He gave me a rough figure of 1k plus and asked me to confirm it with her. And i smsed her as well. She gave me a rough figure of about 1.5k plus.

Instantly, we are talking about money here. My whole body instinctively gave this "No, I don't like this price" sign to Dad. Luckily, we decided to reconsider it. Told Mom about the price qouted by Sis and both of us talked to Dad after he finished doing his awesome trick of persuasion.

That happened a few days back.



So today, we went to je and went to the place that my sis's dad recommended. And the rough qoute was... 2k plus for the whole house. Plus, because we were referred by their customer (ie. my sis's dad), we got a referral discount. And that amount was "supposed" to be the price of just the living room in the previous ge agent.

Read the price difference and honestly, that first qoutation is ridiculous.
After that, I felt uber satisfied with the cost.






So, if you need layering (flooring), I can recommend you ;)


(it's also time to rack out all the junks in my room! ughhhhhhhhh~)

-------*

One day, I went to brush my hair with just my hands and this is what I get...


Just one swipe.

-------*

Last drink of being 19.

First drink of being 20. (see my favourite sheep at the background?)

Anyone wanna guess? =X

-------*

Went around Daiso... And I found this!




There's always plenty of smiles for everyone!
=]




-------*

Currently ringing in my head:
Act Appalled - Circa Survive

Will you walk straight?
We're not like them.
To pull them in, make it seem like your in trouble
Make a sound, fake it enough.

What made you so scared?
Maybe you're mistaken for someone who cares

If you remember, remember
I've been trying to get back to the center
I'm sure it's not like it was before

To make them drink, tell them that it's only water
No one leaves 'till we figure this out
What made you so scared?
Maybe you're mistaken for someone who cares

If you remember, remember
I've been trying to get back to the center
I'm sure it's not like it was before

Patience
Both we and our words are over-produced by influence
By influence

Patience
Both we and our words are over-produced by influence
By influence
By influence

I'm only asking if you remember, remember
I've been trying to get back to the center
and I'm sure...
It's not like it was.

If you're a boy, this is for you.

If you're not,







You're A MAN.
=]

Hunter and the Hunted

I have alot of posts due.

- WRS Hari Raya 2007
- Special Dedication Post
- Jigoku Shoujo review


AND personally. I doubt I'm staying in Multiply much longer. To get the pictures there are like a horror show to me.

I have another site I think which serves abit better than that. I'll post about it later.
This site has albums which can be accessed even if you're not logged in. Catch is, you can make it a private album with a password for your friends (who does not have an account) or a special pass without a password for your friends with accounts. There's a blog there as well and video posting. But I'll just use the site for my pic uploads.


AND I'm making a new blogskin with Jigoku Shoujo's theme. Having some bad kinks in the whole process. STRESS!

Watch out for it! =D

Unforgiving Silence

Isn't Hari Raya supposed to be something worth celebrating?
I feel like I'm changing far more than that I could remember.
Something's different about me.
Maybe it had been that way since quite some time ago but I have just realised it recently.

Multiple Breakdowns.
Minute Get-Ups.

Do you understand the feeling of being in a constant breathless state?
Despite no matter how much air fills your lungs, your alveoli just can't seem to take in any oxygen molecules?

Secondary school holidays are starting in less than 2 weeks.
After which, I wouldn't know what I want to do. Rot at home?
Should I just humbly wound myself up to where I belong?
Or should I try doing something else?
Am I happy now?



I don't know which aspects, sides, corners, cracks, plastered, blablablas of my life could be defined as happy indefinitely. I just grappling over the idea of not giving up any hope just as yet.


You know, when a friend starts rambling how stupid it is to commit suicide, I could never agree on that statement. When a friend starts rambling telling how pathetic it is to just live for another person, I could never accept that. Whenever a friend says that both our opinions are far too different that we shouldn't be friends at all, the only thing I could feel is that they might feel abit more superior in deciding what's best for both. If you really think you're right, I'll let you have your way. Just take note that I may not be satisfied and thus, it burdens me underneath everything else.

I have no idea why that paragraph is there... Not that anyone is pushing my limits now, but then again I'd never know if this is involuntary.




Do you know the feeling of getting someone to sing you a lullaby?
Or play a tune? Tugging your heartstrings?
The pain and suffering of missing it all?






I don't know what's freaking wrong with my feelings today.











-------*
A Malaysian friend is coming to Singapore to earn his plate of rice (and more, obviously) here. I wish him all the best, and I don't mind helping in any way possible.
=]

-------*
Just before I forget to tell my readers, the previous entry is one of the papers that I had to mark. End of year examination informal letter writing. Honestly, you couldn't be THAT mindless to be THAT informal. Top it up with his singlish and atrocious 1 sentence paragraph. Oh dear.

I don't know whether to laugh or to cry.

P/S: He got a 7/20

Invisible Bridge

Hold my hand (Give me)
Even if your mind says no
You know our hearts (once) wanted more

We spent our times together
Even if you're not really here
Over telephone lines
Between 2 screens at night

What happened in between?

Voices never had bothered you
We knew that fragile bridge we've built
But you keep burning it down now
Everytime i tried making our far ends meet.

what happened in between?

Even after all these while
Didn't you told me that you love me?
I'm scared of the distance
Even if you're a wall away from here

Those lips parted
Words serenade me
Aren't you here, baby?
I feel you're near.

What happened in between?

I don't understand these words
Why does it sound weak?
It hollers it screams and fades
Like birthday candles. (and it starts to flick)

It went missing over time
Are we just avoiding it?
You know I want you, baby.
Our hearts want this.

Friday... oh Friday.

So this is how I look like if I imagined it in an exam paper's view...
(Truth is I'm quite paranoid as I was taking it in the office. Lol)





-------*



And I was super tired by the time I reach home...
I was dying to get myself in bed but this is what I came home to see...









Look at that CAT's SLEEPY FACE... wtf.












Even I'm kind hearted *ehems* enough to share MY bed with HER.
She even took more than half the BED... *takes deep breath*






YET!






LOOK AT HER FACE!













What an appreciative cat.
Hrmph.

Psyche over everything unseen.

And so, this Facebook crap is what I'd say something crappy people (mind you, i think the creators are millionaires and laughing their way to the bank right now) create to pass their time and get addicted to and I have no idea what you guys do in there.

Well, to pass the time,
the dull curiosity

and

the constant emails of pestering me to join,


I did just that.



I thought I would be at least find it interesting, but so far I don't see anything that people find addictive just as yet. Maybe I just spent about an hour or two just to wonder what is so interesting while other human beings would bother me to try spending more than half a day to see what is addictive.

I heard someone could virtually throw a sheep around in there.
That sounds cool enough...

Feel free to throw me some sheeps with baa~ tags on them please. :]


[Taken from:http://mtsix.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/08/sheep.jpg]



Honestly, I don't take care of these things. I try to, but I couldn't put a finger or a heart into it.

Even Friendster is like something I don't bother to check all the time. You get strangers adding you and all the sorts of things. Passing around only-god-knows chain letters or notices or what-nots. Even asking or giving weird lewd remarks.


Beware...


You have to state things loud and clear in your profile. You can lie your teeth keyboard/screen out of anything and everything about yourself. Suddenly everyone has a place on the Internet, either it's a basic replica of themselves or just some made up profile. I find that quite disturbing in some way and it ain't any more 'private', exclusive or whatever that makes you, well, you.


Maybe it is you if you which to believe in the lies of life's harsh realities.



It's like when you're given a choice to say sorry to a friend by SMS, by phone or meeting them face-to-face. Especially if you ain't that close to them or you definitely don't want to hurt their feelings, you hide the fact you will face disappointment you bestow upon yourself.

I think MSN or instant messaging are the best things, yet the most there is to offer. I mean, you don't have to state things out in the open for scrutiny, and well, you actually do Interact with the people directly. It gives more honest feelings along with it. If the sender's lying, you have a choice to believe or take some time to believe in whatever's written. You definitely can sense feelings along the lines somewhere, and that may be stronger than one you might feel on a networking site.

(Maybe I'm just wrong here, correct me anytime. =])

Still, it ain't as honest and true as when you see a friend face-to-face. So where does all this friend networking sites put your feelings at? I'll never say that I'll not give a chance to these sites, I have to just do some minute effort in it so that at the very least if there is definitely anything to contact a person you're not close by, there is one way to. If you are suddenly wondering about a classmate or something, you can just drop by and see if they're doing fine.


Well, I've been wondering about it for long.

Words do lose their meaning over technology and time.


Meanwhile, in Facebook,
I've updated my status as...

Unspoken trust.

Just done with doing work and printing...

Although I have utmost confidence in them to do it well, but all the more I am still worried. I haven't been with them for long, so it's a heavy challenge to actually buy or gain time before they'll be sitting for their exams.

I did quite a bit of revision for them before the test itself, so I believe they could probably score as well. If they were paying attention, of course.

After that, 2 hours are all I have to actually prep them up for Friday.
So suddenly you feel that it's utterly weird to do anything else.

Science Geek Galore...

I haven't touched the blog for a week... or abit more if you ignore the picture I made on last Wednesday.


It's been a while... =]


So this week would be my second week doing relief. Basically not just the usual sit down, act-pretty kinds, but the pure teaching, marking sorts. And they are having their orals now. And I guess I made some of my friends pretty shocked about it. Honestly, I think I'm doing relief at the very busy time of the year. Jumping into the other side of the education system and getting myself exposed to the current environment is... well, shocking.

No, that wasn't talking about the 81 heads, rather...
I was talking about the work itself.

Orals, Common Test and Final Year Exam.
All cramped in 3 weeks.
Ain't that overwhelming~

-

Suddenly my hands are itching to do experiments and getting myself results...
And honestly I am missing the laboratory environment...
The smell, and the quietness of it all.
The long hours to finish an experiment,
and that there's a good and not-so-good side when you can't bring back your work home, too.

The chemicals and the hazards.
The geekiness in me obviously shows.

Self-scrutiny.

Latest addition to the family~

Even when you try to wake her up, she goes back to sleep.
I'm too impatient to wait for her to wake up 'cos I hardly see her eyes open any longer than 5 minutes. I wish I could her all over but I'm still recovering from my cough. Really wanna squeeze/pinch/hug/carry/sing/talk to this 2-month old baby.









So... I was cleaning my wardrobe...


Good guesses anyone? Lol.










Don't underestimate a cat's hearing.

And don't underestimate my 3.2 megapixel camera phone. =P










I love my dad's car.
I wanna drive my dad's car.
Sitting at the driver's seat makes me want to get my license quick.
I want to drive!

Meanwhile... Let me enjoy the backseat. =P









You know sometimes, it's irritating that you can't stop time?
When you feel like you aren't ready to do a presentation,
or when you really swear you could probably flunk the whole exam,
or maybe you're nervous for any occasion,
or you know what's life (or any occasional person who you're fighting with is) going to throw to you...
or maybe it's just that you wake up to find a red spot on your face...

Don't fret.
I just invented a out-of-the-state and a useful tool.
And it's going to be something that's totally gonna make me rich.









A life controller.



Ah, sorry, it has some minor setbacks. It keeps changing the channels.




I wished I could totally 'control' time or my life with one though...


-------*
Off to sleep I go~!

Hi, I'm Emo.

I did hongwei didi a template, which took me quite a while as I'm still new to the newer version of blogger. But it should be more Idiot-proof. And for the top obviously I did a hell lot of credits and references and thank-yous to those I chose to use as guides and that cute ponandzi picture.

I'm quite happy with the outcome, as the colour combination was good, just that i wished i could tweak the font styles more. And I have problems with the footer too.

Anyway, with all that html/javascript/css talk turned into layman terms, Dad told me to take up IT course and get a certificate for it. Even though I'm quite sure he doesn't know how much I have learnt on my own, to get that cert also equates to $. And I always have this problem of asking for some income (in goodwill).

And I'll soon try to change mine too. =]


---

You know how sometimes when you get attached to something or someone, there will always be a part of them that you portray and bring along too? I wonder how much of my antics belongs to others.


You are ten million lightyears too far to understand me.

For me, sometimes, when I realise it, I know that its something good or harmless brought forward. But its always intact with memories. For me, memories are meant to be appreciated. I appreciate memories that I can so far remember. Sometimes, I try to bring something forward for myself in order to remember memories. I try not to forget saying "Thank you for being here/coming/spending time with me" and though it may be taken lightly, those words are actually taken seriously by me.



For a second there, I felt as if everything was robbed away from me... Time and again.



I miss going out alone.
With my mind directing my body and people conversations are ignored immensely.




Do you, my friends, feel awkward with me if its just pure silence that's been spent for that day?
Don't be.

Advertlets review coming up.



Im mugging on my exam! rawr~

Aww I miss my blog already... =(

And thus a new entry! ^^

Kogepan is a short retarded anime about burnt bread.


Who ever knew...





A bread could emo?







What about...








Getting drunk on milk?



Hmm... so I thought, after laughing to myself...






Maybe I should try some too...









---

After so long trying to get myself to install RO successfully...

By 1 day, I'm BL99,JL70, Sniper.
MysticHaze, and Meow my pet Poring. =P



---

... I miss...



The usual things that I'd spend time with Sis... and Suki...





When hanging around is meant literally...




When the weirdest relations take place right at your own 'home'





And when taking pictures are when you press a button to smile...







When our pet can be as 1337 as us...







And when everyone knows I love to be at a place for such a sight...







When late nights was all about pure hard work...





When at times, you really think that this is life...






And when you can emo for the world buddies in your buddylist to see, without knowing you're just ranting nonsense to yourself... (plus the fact that I can say Hi to Adik and talk to Sis at the same time) and you won't feel guilty about it at all...





Who can ever deny those times with random defames sparking hate on you when you're AFK-ing, and being particularly innocent?




Yes...







Literally... it really does.





---
There is no denying the fact that I miss the contents still present in Malacca.

When everyone has secret(s)...

When you decide to go out alone
Watching the scenery pass you by
Observing the kids playing nearby
Wondering where the crowd is going to
Travelling while you're asleep
Your mind and heart starts wondering
Where they should go and should have been







Was drawing...

The sentence is wrong. It should have been...

I screwed my drawing up. But that's okay.



EDIT:

"I don't dare to look at him 'cos I know I'd keep falling for him... Again & again..."

Like the pic above,
I'd probably end up saying "Hello" to a snail.




Good night.

i heart pacifier.

Watched Simpsons Movie today.

Starting got Green Day playing violin Titanic style. I laughed pretty loud but too paiseh because I think others don't find it funny enough. Even the environment preach was funny.
(sorry got spoiler)


Thank you Adii. =)



Simpsonize yourself at http://www.simpsonizeme.com

Similar? =]
Did this weeks ago, anticipating the movie.


---

I passed my BTN Common Test 2.
Time to study harder smarter for the Finals on 24th Aug.

After which, my eyes will become $_$ from o_O.

---

Deleted FlyForFun.
Deleted Granado Espada.
PangYa's collecting huge specks of dust.
Maple Story became preserved.
RO? Haha, I think cannot edi lah.

I even stopped downloading mp3s.

I stopped chatting and hanging out with friends.
I stopped drinking coffee.


I was a different person for months. I wish it didn't happen.

To whine in a critical place.

I haven't indulged and finished a cup of coffee for weeks.
I haven't indulged and played a game no longer than 2 hours per week.
I haven't been at the peak of concentrations for so long.

I can't sleep.


I have the best and wildest intentions to go overseas.
To study.


But there are too many things back home that binds me from that dream.
I am downright worried.