Damn, I can't keep up being myself sometimes.

Sometimes, I feel that I need to come clean.
But, really, I wonder why I think that way.

Today, I noticed one thing about myself. Which is very contradicting.
Not that it really bothered me, but it does now... So tell me.
Which side of me do people know me as being myself?
The Talkative one or, the Quiet one?

The question hit me earlier.

Today, I went out with a bunch of people. Ate lunch, watch TMNT and play LAN/Xbox.
The people? Merv, KT, SZ, TS, JM, ZJ, Bobby and HW.
And as usual I'm chatty and all. But every now and then, after chatting so much and I got tired of talking, I'll just sit around and start doing my usual obsession or do my own stuff, like, stare or notice something and start observing...
It was only then when people start asking, "Sal? You okay? You don't look happy."

When I said no, I wondered why do I sometimes get that kind of remark.

I have to agree sometimes, that yes, when I turn all quiet, I'm not happy with something. But then, I can't be noisy all the time. It tires me out alot. And seriously, I can't forget about how hurt I was being misunderstood for my actions. The worst experience of being misunderstood in this manner happened a long time ago, but then, it's something I can't really muster to just think of it as just a memory; more like a nightmare.

So tell me. Is there any right or wrong in being this extreme? Is this what you called two-faced? Or is this what you call me being choosy? Does it really bother everyone?
I don't really know how to answer myself, for this time round.

Damn, I wished that I really questioned myself like eons ago...
Maybe I did.
But then, I experienced a hell lot more pain than that I can know of already.

It's like me not minding to lead, but yet, I also would like to sit back and relax or be the follower... What's up with being me?


*shrugs*


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I'll edit the KL/Malacca trip soon.
I have to apologise for not doing things up to my own expectations.