Their good points... And bad ones too.
But as much as the many mistakes that has happened, my question is: Why would people do mistakes yet find partners that don't?
It's hard to come by, to accept your past wrongdoings even when you clearly show you repented and am trying to do your best to make things turn around for the better. But who isn't worried? Who would like to gamble on a life with a man on such terms, future kids who may be brought up in the same light? Like some would say that the seeds sowed may not be any different than its parent tree. You may establish a different life for them but the chances are there. It doesn't mean that the best people would give off best offsprings, but it's how much gamble that a potential would be willing to take.
On a sidenote, my requirements would be pretty simple.
#1: Time
As a man, you need to divide your time between your work, wife, kids, own parents, parents-in-law, relatives, friends. And your own free time: to reflect and to become a better person by the years.
I need time. As my occupation can be a hazard on many different levels, I need ample time with my loved ones after work. It cools me down (which is very important for my health), it lets me talk freely to him and discuss on the many responsibilities and dreams that we're both working on. Futhermore, I'm just too bloody manja. Can't live on a life without being manja to my loved ones.
And trust me, a marriage-ready man Would never put his friends as part of his highest priorities. If he does, it might be difficult to depend on him if he has a choice to run to his friends in times of 'need'. Example: when a problem arises, he would avoid them by going out with friends, especially when you start realising he hangs out with those whom he never keep in touch for the past decade. As much as I understood what my brother told me, it only sinks in when I was out of the situation, and reflecting.
#2: Faith
Religion. It is one crucial part of a person's being if you'd like me to explain.
No matter what religion you're in, it takes One Big Leap of Faith to believe in what's preached. I'm not asking for a very pious man (though it will be good but I won't know if I'm cut out for it) but just one that is brought up well enough to know what's right and wrong.
Subconciously, our decisions are loosely based on our beliefs, tolerance and understanding. Just take an example of eating out at a seafood restaurant which serves alcohol. One might say that it is okay as it's just seafood and 'I don't drink', but others wouod say that there's no such option and would go for the many other alternatives available. Even if there's none, one would gladly eat at the same old muslim store located at the corner of the street. It makes a difference. It makes you judge a person. To which I should say that for either choices/answers, I don't look at a Friend any differently, but for the One, I believe that at most, many of our choices would be agreeable on both parties.
And particularly when a death plagues around him. Does he know what to do? Some guys I know don't know how the ceremony goes or how the prayers are conducted. Yes, usually you would learn when it happens but I don't wish to see a man following blindly.
My dad makes this point ring more clearly in my head. He trains all my brothers to learn how to read Surah Yaasin at such young age. Of course, they might not understand the reason why but to see them being able to recite it well during tahlil prives to me that Dad made it easier for them when the need arises (personally or in a eventful occasion).
Mom questioned him before and his reply was a deal-breaker: "If I die, who would read the Yaasin for me?"
I don't know why I'm so critical on this, but I guess someone asked me what am I looking for in a man. Out of the past two decades, these are the two points that I find I could never replace or forgo. These are the things I'm looking for.
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