If it's not Murder, it's Suicide. [cont. part i]

It's kind of hard to recall back what has happened this past few weeks. But at these times while I'm thinking, sitting down, resting, even when I'm sleeping, it makes me have the need - something inside me is compelled to write what has happened this past 3 - 4 weeks.

You know, when you're sick, emotions tend to run high. You keep thinking and you keep pondering at everything that's life-related and at most times, as negatively as possible. The scariest part during the ordeal for me was the thought that I could potentially die. Death. Death sets in my thoughts. It tends to ring in my ears. Am I dying? Such prolonged fever - not to mention that its always above 38.5 degrees - 24/7. Will my body crumble? My body filled with enzymes and hormones go haywire? My cells die out of the heat from my body? Will my brain cells diminish and I start to forget more things?

Paranoia sets in... pretty deep.

I have been wondering, what has caused me to be this ill. What triggered this? My food intake? I think I was being careful during Hari Raya. Was there a great amount of stress? I'm still working on relief - and there's nothing much to be done. Was I stressed because I had nothing to do at all? Was I feeling any misery to make me feel ill?

Paranoia.

to be continued...