Dire.

"I've been running away. Yes... I have been.
And it's going to be a long way back.

Or should I start from where my feet are standing right now?"

It has been a long time since I've been blogging (with words). And I'm totally a NEET currently (Not in Employment, Education or Training). Way too much time. And here I am blogging this late.
It feels like I'm running away from blogging as well. Keeping people updated over me rotting away at home just doesn't quite cut it, does it? I wondered if my ex-students ever figured any part of me up already by now.

Can't even keep up with writing until I got My All Time Favourite This Love by Craig Armstrong replaying and my coffee (At this time?!).



I guess this entry would be long, if I still have the heart to continue.


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I had decided that I would stop teaching. To many, it's a shock. But it's a decision that I have to make. First of all the statements I'll make - I never left because of the kids. It is more in depth to me, I think. I can live with the environment given but never with the respect shown. Couldn't write anything more than that - I have to protect everything I've got. If there's any in the first place.

For the past 2 years, inclusive of my repeat year, I lost so much confidence in myself. I wrote on my MSN last month that (why do I feel uneasy when I'm happy?). I thought I wasn't serious about it - but it hasn't left me until today.

During these times, I've yearned to do something that makes me feel like how I used to - Always on ground, walking steadily. These days all I have been is tripping and falling down.

Of course, there's a lot of times I've been thinking about giving up.
And after I stopped teaching, I don't even have the energy to think of that.
I just want to start feeling like I'm back at my own feet, ready to walk again.

I've been searching and as much as it is. I guess this is my next step.
I'd be visiting/going overseas on the 13th July 2008 - 21st July 2008.

At Mecca's well known places - Masjidil Haram

Maybe my dear friends have heard of it but knew little of it. I think you'd know Saudi better.

A beautiful view of Medina's Masjid Nabawi.

I'll be going there do perform Umrah. It's just a direct translation of visiting. It's also a mini-pilgrimage of Haji, so to speak. The wiki's link is there - if you're curious to read more.

I'm excited and nervous all at the same time, so to speak. And I really want this to be very fulfilling. It's happening on my 21st. It's there when I've been looking. There are so many signs leading me there. It's a chance.




To be continued...